Glee
Pot O' Gold

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
It's Magically Disgusting!

Cue the naysayer, ready to crap all over Puck's dreams. It's Quinn, of course, and the scene's shifted back over to yet another random McKinley classroom for the boring that follows, and long story short, even The Plaintive Piano Of Plinking Privation cannot make me give a shit about Quinn's overarching storyline this season. She's already called Child Services on hapless Idina's ass, but they're backed up, so Dismal Drizzle's safe with her adoptive mother for another two weeks, at least. Puck feels incredibly guilty about it all, a remorse that only increases in intensity during the...

...very next scene, in which Idina Menzel merrily announces that she's secured her condo's year-round pool-cleaning contract for him. D'OH!

Music Room. Mr. Schue confirms what we already know about the musical's funding, and to celebrate, Dreamboat Blaine hops to his feet to treat them all to his version of this random piece of tuneless crap I completely didn't recognize when the episode first aired. I still wouldn't recognize the damn thing now, but I did sit through the video linked above, and it might interest you to know that both Artie and Dreamboat Blaine have prominent roles in the thing. And...that's all I really have to say about this, I think. Well, aside from the fact that Santana Lopez apparently shares my disgust with Dreamboat Blaine's song selection -- she alone among the children refuses to jump up and dance at the expected moment -- and when it's over, she rises regally from her place in the cheap seats to excoriate Mr. Schue for turning New Directions into The Rachel 'N' Blaine Happy-Happy Fun-Show, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, because isn't Santana supposed to be playing Anita in West Side Story, with at least two huge numbers in next week's episode? Whatever. It's all just some shabby bit of pretext to drive her into the warm embrace of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir, I suppose, and where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Santana Lopez flounces out of the music room, her sassy little carwash skirt all a-swish as she powers her way over to...

...The Leprechaun's locker, and fuck me. It looks like he's got "A Blessing From St. Patrick" tacked up on the door. I'm starting to hate him. In any event, Santana slams shut the locker and opens with, "Do not even think about talking for the next thirty seconds, ok? Nod so I know you understand me." The flummoxed Leprechaun obediently nods his head. "Good," Santana allows, before lighting into him like so: "Here's the deal, Pixie Boy: You've got a crush on my girl, Brittany. I understand -- she's beautiful, she's innocent, she's everything that's good in this miserable, stinking world -- do you agree? Nod." The Leprechaun complies. "Good!" Santana repeats, going on to add, "Also, she thinks you're a spritely green mythological creature, but I know you're a potato-eating poser, but since Brittany likes having a pet Irish, I'm not gonna explode you." The Leprechaun remains dumbstruck, so Santana lays it on the line for him. "Leprechaun," she reveals, "is my favorite movie, and it learned me two things: One, leprechauns like fixing shoe buckles because they're gay, and two, they grant wishes, so you're gonna grant me a wish!" She smiles at him, leaving it at that for now, and vanishes down the hall while The Amazing Chinless Leprechaun blinks his dimwitted way into the next commercial break.

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Glee

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