Previously, on Glee: Shirtless Puck. Swoooon.
A hand selects "Single Ladies" on an iPod. As the music starts to play, we see Kurt, backed up by Tina and Britney (formerly Quinnion Number Two), doing the "Single Ladies" dance. Kurt's wearing a black sparkly vest over a black unitard with black jeans. It looks like something that Johnny Weir might wear on a day he's feeling both particularly fey and moody. Which is probably every day for Johnny Weir. Britney and Tina are wearing the requisite black leotards from the video. And they are rocking it. We see that there's a video camera on a tripod recording the entire thing for posterity. I have two questions. First, was it just a happy coincidence that the woman playing Britney did this dance as BeyoncĂ©'s backup on tour? Second, what the hell did Kurt do to get goth-lite Tina into a leotard? Bribe? Blackmail? Hypnosis? Oh, wait, another question -- I know Britney is in the Glee Club with Kurt and Tina now, but would she really be hanging out with them in her free time? We see most of the dance from the vantage point of the video camera, which is recording in black and white. I cannot tell you how many times I watched this 45 seconds of show, just because it makes me feel so full of joy. But our joy is interrupted, as we see a hand turn off the stereo on which "Single Ladies" is playing. That hand belongs to Kurt's father, who's being played by Mike O'Malley, looking like he just got home from a Larry the Cable Guy show. (Kind of a redneck is where I'm going with that.) Kurt's surprised that his father is home early, but Mr. Kurt justifies his presence by noting that The Deadliest Catch is on. I guess that is the kind of thing you might come home early for. Mr. Kurt asks what the hell Kurt is wearing. Kurt tells him that it's a unitard, and then explains that guys wear them to work out because they wick sweat from the body. Mr. Kurt seems dubious, so Tina stutters out "f-f-f-ootball." Kurt jumps on that, claiming that all the football players wear them. Only in their secret fantasies, Kurt. Again, Mr. Kurt seems dubious at the idea of "jock chic." And then... get ready for it... Britney gets a line! Yes, that's right, she's not just a fabulous dancer and hitter of high fives. She also has working vocal cords. Unfortunately, she uses her line to extend Tina's lie just a little too far, claiming that Kurt is now on the football team. "He's the kicker. That's the smallest guy on the field, right?" Kurt claims that the girls were helping him with some conditioning work for his big football career. Mr. Kurt just kind of grunts, and tells them that he played JC football (which my handy Google tells me stands for "junior college") until he injured himself on his dirt bike. And then Mr. Kurt asks whether one of the two girls is Kurt's girlfriend. Kurt panics and slaps Tina on the ass, but tells his dad he's "not ready to be exclusive just yet." Since Kurt just came out to Mercedes last week, how exactly is he going to explain that ass slap and lie to Tina? Mr. Kurt tells them to keep the music down, and tells him to be sure to get him a ticket to his first game. D'oh! Credits. (I forgot to mention that we're in the basement of Kurt's house, which he has decorated like some New York loft, painted all white. If you bring Kurt a present, don't put it in a white box because he'll never be able to find it again.)