Swipe to Figgins: "I'm never letting Sandy Ryerson back in this school." Except possibly to hang out and eat cake in the teachers lounge or sing for the PTA. And then Sue shows him a video on her laptop. It's a Mumbai Air instructional video about how to avoid vascular embolisms (a.k.a., deep-vein thrombosis) on intercontinental flights. And it stars Figgins, sitting on a park bench and demonstrating creepy stretching exercises. And sexily pulling an anti-embolism stocking up to his knee. I'm speechless. And so is Figgins, who wordlessly collapses in the face of Sue's blackmail threat to circulate the video around the school.
Back in Sandy's apartment, Sue tells him the first order of business is Glee Club (again said with the snarl of contempt). Sandy comes to sit next to her on the couch in his shorty robe. Thankfully, he's a properly raised young lady who knows how to sit in a skirt, so we avoid getting the full monty. Sandy agrees that Will is destroying the Glee Club, and he and Sue both realize that Rachel is the lynchpin holding Glee Club together. Sandy wonders how to steal Rachel away from Glee. Sue has four words for him: "Liza. Minnelli. Celine. Dion." Cut to Rachel seeing a flyer on the bulletin board that reads "Be a LEAD in our High School Musical! Audition for CABARET! Must audition with Celine Dion song of your choice." That is perfect bait for a proto-diva with questionable taste. Rachel signs up, sticking one of her signature stars next to her name. And the star flames out to a shot of Rachel singing "Taking Chances" at her audition. She's good (as always), but it's a crap Celine Dion song, so I'm glad we only get a little bit of it. At the end of the song, Sandy tells Rachel, "Congratulations, Miss Sally Bowles. You have just landed the lead."