It's Prom time, baby. The show has finally remembered that Brittany is student council president, just in time for her to decide that the prom theme will be dinosaurs. And that all hair gel will be banned from the prom, since it didn't exist in dinosaur days. Four of the six nominees for Prom King and Queen come from the universally despised glee club -- Finn and Brit are nominated for Prom King, and Quinn and Santana are nominated for Prom Queen.
Rachel, still depressed from biffing her Fake Theater School audition, doesn't want to go to prom -- especially after she discovers that Finn and Quinn are jointly campaigning for king and queen. Blaine and Kurt have their own reasons to skip the prom, so the three of them decide to organize an anti-prom. Unfortunately, only Puck (depressed over failing his test) and Becky (depressed over not being nominated for Prom Queen) take them up on their invitation, leading to the most depressing party since the one the teachers threw for the thumbless shop teacher. Fortunately, Finn arrives to convince them to come back to the regular prom. They all take him up on the offer, except for Becky and Puck, who hang out, play some strip poker, crown each other king and queen of the anti-prom, and then go to the real prom.
Over at the real prom, Finn discovers that Quinn's physical therapy is working and that she has started to be able to walk again. Of course, she kept this to herself in order to milk the sympathy vote. This pisses Finn off (which is what leads him to head to the anti-prom to bring the rest back). But Quinn seems determined not to let anything get between her and the tiara she wants so much. Until, that is, Rachel tells her how much she's still jealous of Quinn's beauty and popularity, and how proud she is to call Quinn her friend. This leads Santana and Quinn to rig the balloting so that Rachel is elected Prom Queen, with Finn rightfully elected Prom King.
Oh, also, we finally get to see Blaine without hair gel. I'm starting a special fund to ensure he's never without product again.
My laptop died and I'm writing this on an iPad without an external keyboard. So there's no way in hell I can give you links to all the songs. But I can tell you that the episode featured Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry," sung by Rachel, with backup from Kurt and Blaine; Ke-dollar-sign-ha's "Dinosaur," sung by Brit-Brit; Selena Gomez's "Love You Like a Love Song," sung by Santana; One Direction's "What Makes You Beautiful," sung by the non-Finn, non-Puck, non-gay glee club boys; and Berlin's "Take My Breath Away," sung by Quinn and Santana.
I don't believe anybody got slapped. Some prom.
Some episodes of this show just make me happy. Others make me angry. Occasionally, an episode (say, a certain drug-fueled holiday extravaganza) leaves me baffled. But this episode just bored me, from beginning to end. I mean, if I'm so bored by the episode that even Puck in his underwear can't pique my interest, you've got a problem.
We start with a Rachel voice-over. She's just so sad about screwing up her Fake New York Theater School audition that she's decided her dreams are dead. She just goes on like this forever -- her dreams are dead, the only thing in her life she has to look forward to now is her wedding to Finn and Nationals, she'll never be famous, etc. As she drones on (and on and on), we see her taking down her dream vision board, walking down the school hallway as though she's a nobody and looking at prom dresses. That last one is because she's decided that this one prom will have to stand in for every red carpet she'll never walk down because she choked during her audition. The only interesting thing about this monologue is that, for some completely inexplicable reason, we spend several seconds seeing Rachel dressed like classic Barbra, in leopard-print coat and matching pillbox hat, sitting in the auditorium. Because that's exactly the kind of thing you do if, as Rachel is trying to convince us (and herself), you're perfectly fine with the fact that your dream of stardom is over. Of course, her attempt to convince herself that she's not a loser takes a nose dive when she catches Becky practicing her prom queen wave and Becky tells her to beat it so she won't catch Rachel's failure. Title card.
Maharishi's Lair. Figgins is reminding Brit-Brit (whom he addresses as "sexy teen trollop") that she's student body president and is supposed to be planning for prom. Apparently, even though she's getting F's in every one of her classes, Figgins thinks that having "student body president" on her record will help her get into college. She can't possibly be graduating, can she? Anyway, she's got it covered, because she's already been accepted by Purdue. By which she means the poultry processing plant, not the institution of higher learning.
Oh, and now here's Brit meeting the prom committee for the very first time. It's staffed by three never-before-seen, never-to-be-seen-again students. Let's see, Brit's really stupid, so I think we can guess that the following things will happen in this scene: she'll forget their names; she'll fail to grasp the concept of metaphor; she'll be extra rude to them; she'll ditch all their work and come up with something of her own; she'll call them bullies, even though she's been about ten times ruder to them than they are to her; and she'll mistake one of them for a less popular glee club member. And yes, all of those things happen. What we couldn't necessarily predict was that Brit would decide the theme for prom should be "Dinosaurs." Oy, this show.