Prom Queen

Episode Report Card
LTG: B+ | Grade It Now!
You Call That a Prom?

Music room. Lauren enters with her new besties Santana and Brittany. Really? Anyway, Lauren's complaining about her inability to find a single dress in her size that's suitable for prom. When they hear Lauren threaten to make her own dress, they all warn her that making your own prom dress can only lead to heartbreak (plus leading to Jon Cryer stalking you). Quinn in particular tells her that prom is a once-in-a-lifetime event that she'll remember forever, so if she doesn't get it exactly right she might as well kill herself. I mean, that's what I took away from Quinn's speech. Mercedes is happy that she doesn't have to worry about prom dresses, since she's not going. Which is due to the fact that nobody asked her. And then Will starts the rehearsal or the class or whatever it is by writing the word "prom" on the whiteboard. Demonstrating that he's not the stupidest of the Glee Club dim bulbs, Sam worries that they'll be performing songs about prom. Are there many of those? Or any? Will, of course, is just telling them that they'll be singing at prom. He tells them that he knows they'll all really want to be dancing with their dates instead of performing, so he'll stagger the performances so that everybody has some down time. That upsets Mercedes enough that she does a Rachel and flounces out of the room. Quinn tells Will that Mercedes is upset over her dateless status. Brit-Brit: "So? I don't have a date. I'm just going to dance. And then all your dates are gonna ignore you and come dance with me. So, your dates are really my dates." Rachel goes after Mercedes.

In the hall, Rachel tries to comfort Mercedes by pointing out her own lack of a date. But Mercedes just wants to feel like a pretty, pretty princess for once in her life. She needs to stop watching Cinderella and go watch Tangled. And then she can grow her hair out and kick some ass. In any case, Rachel has an idea.

Breadstix. Kurt and Blaine are sitting at a booth. Kurt, holding Blaine's hand: "Blaine Warbler -- will you go to junior prom with me?" Blaine seems to have some trouble wrapping his head around the very idea of prom, just repeating the word a couple of times. Kurt: "What about prom, Blaine?" It turns out that at his old school, Blaine invited a guy to a dance and the two of them got beat up afterwards by a trio of bullies. So he's a little shell-shocked, promwise. Kurt makes it clear that they don't have to go if it will make Blaine uncomfortable. But Blaine is really crazy about Kurt, so he'll go.

Rachel leads Sam out to the stage. He's hoping it's not a surprise party, since his birthday was a week ago. Actually, it's Rachel and Mercedes, asking him if he'd like to accompany them to the prom. They hand Blaine $20 and propose "prom on a budget." Blaine can borrow a suit and the girls will each buy super cheap dresses at the thrift store, and they'll still have enough left over for dinner at Breadstix. So, hurray! Blaine is going to prom. Commercials.

Dress shop, maybe? Or just some kind of room in which girls try on dresses? It's all very mysterious. Anyway, Kurt has accompanied some Glee Club girls (including Tina, Brit, Lauren, and Auntie 'Tana) to give them style tips on their prom dresses. Lauren is up first, in a giant yellow number with a white fur capelet, which she properly diagnoses as making her look like a lemon meringue pie. Kurt suggests she switch to a navy dress. If they really needed his fashion sense to realize that a darker color would be slimming, I have little hope for these girls. Next, Santana emerges in a sleek red one-shoulder number. Kurt declares it to be perfection: "Go with God, Satan. I mean, Santana." But Kurt can't stick around to be their pocket gay friend, as he's got to assemble his own prom look. Santana thinks it's tragic that he's going stag, but as we know, he's going with his boyfriend. The girls are all very excited upon hearing the news, except for Santana. She pulls Kurt aside for a private confab. She's worried that he'll face harassment, and offers the Bullywhips as security -- kind of like the Hell's Angels at Altamont Speedway. She thinks this will help transform her into the "law and order Eva Peron candidate," winning her votes in her race for prom queen. And a poster over Santana's shoulder reveals that this is the home ec room.

Artie opens his locker (which contains a picture of Brit). Puck approaches him to ask him to put the "assist" into "bad-ass." It seems that Puck would really like to be crowned the anti-prom king, but to do that he needs to regain some street cred. He thinks he can do this if he spikes the punch at the prom, but he can only do this with Artie's help. Puck plans to lure Sue away from the punch bowl so Artie can slip in and do the deed. Artie decides not to help -- what he's really looking for is some way to impress Brit-Brit enough that she'll forgive him and come to prom with him.

Auditorium stage. Rachel is preparing to rehearse a song she plans to sing at prom, and she wants the AV club, the members of which are working on some prom decor, to let her know if she "was brilliant, or simply outstanding." She sits at the piano and begins singing an a cappella cover of Adele's "Rolling In The Deep." As she finishes the first lines, another voice in the back of the auditorium rings out with the next verse. It's Jesse St. James! Rachel's so gobsmacked that she never starts playing the piano, but not so gobsmacked that she doesn't sing a flawless duet with Jesse. Fortunately, the AV Club are all huge Adele fans, and they provide appropriate backup. You can see Rachel get into the pleasure of singing with Jesse for a second, but then she remembers what he did to her and puts her guard back up. After the song, Rachel asks Jesse what he's doing there.

And then it's a few minutes later, and the two of them are sitting out in the auditorium. Jesse has flunked out of school. "How was I supposed to know that I was actually supposed to show up to those other classes at school? I was majoring in show choir. I just assumed it would be like at Carmel, and the school would get some Asian kid to take math and English and scientific for me." He also tells her that he knows that what he did to her is his one great regret. Just the one? No regret for that little scarf you're wearing right now? You might want to rethink that, Jesse. He continues, "I traded love for a fourth consecutive national championship. It was a bum deal. For a first, maybe. But for a fourth, no way." He tells her he's there to make amends, and then asks what she's doing for prom. Commercials.

Hallway. Finn approaches Rachel and tells her he's heard the nasty rumor that Jesse is back in town and that he's her date to the prom. She clarifies that he's joining her group date with Mercedes and Sam, and then also reminds Finn that since he broke up with her, it's really none of his business who she dates. He claims to just want to protect her because he cares about her, but she asks him to be as supportive of her relationship choices as she has been of his relationship with Quinn. So, not at all supportive? Got it. Finn starts complaining about the entire prom experience, what with the campaigning and the fear of picking the wrong corsage. Rachel actually does something supportive, by telling him to get a wrist corsage in a color that matches Quinn's green eyes. And then she leaves before she starts to cry about how very much her angsty, sixteen-year old heart is broken up over Finn.

Speaking of heartbreaking, here comes Karofsky in his heartbreakingly ugly Bullywhips satin jacket. He's on patrol, and he tells Santana over a walkie-talkie that there's no sign of anti-gay violence in the stairwell. She gets v

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