Puppet Master

Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | 87 USERS: C
Kurt Gets Felt Up

Cut to a hallway full of kids wearing the worst of '80s fashion. Sue, wearing a flowery skirt, pink lacy jacket, and pink lady tie, with a head of flowing hair, chastises two boys for playing video games in the hall. They ask who she is, and she introduces herself as the new cheerleading coach. One of them, laughing, asks her, "Do you bop?" Sue is shocked, shocked I tell you, to hear such an apparently inoffensive yet secretly dirty cultural reference from a student. She's saved by Figgins, who's wearing a rat-tail, who tells the kids to shove off with an Australian accent. Doing his best Crocodile Dundee, he advises her to try some pants. Cut to Sue in the Novak, putting on a track suit and flourishing some scissors. She emerges looking exactly as she does today, and then reintroduces herself to McKinley with one of her patented walking tantrums, strutting down the hallway and knocking students aside.

Back in the present, Sue tells Becky that once she saw how the world bowed before her, she had a track suit made in every color. Becky points out that everybody is already afraid of her, so it can't really hurt to girl it up a little bit. And that's how Becky "C"s it!

Blaine enters the apparently empty music room, puts his bag down on the piano, and then jumps with fright when he hears a voice saying "You're early." Blaine: "Gees! Brad! You scared the crap out of me! Warn me before you talk." That's right, Tinkles gets a line. In fact, he gets a whole bunch of dialogue, as Blaine complains how nobody at McKinley listens to him, all while ignoring Tinkles open up and spill about his online gambling addiction, his mounting debt, and his pending foreclosure. Blaine decides that if everyone wants him to sit down and shut up, he'll do exactly that. And he proceeds to do that right next to a heating vent that is emitting a suspicious hissing sound. Blaine's speech slows down and slurs, until he's woken up by a Puppet Tina.

In fact, the room is full of Puppet New Directions, all of whom proceed to kiss Blaine's ass, apologize for rejecting his ideas, and promise to bow down before him in the future. And then the puppets beg Blaine to treat them to a song. So he sings Queen's "You're My Best Friend." It's fun, because puppets, but Blaine's voice is just a little too smooth for Queen. This song needs the slight throatiness that Freddy Mercury brought to his music. There is a funny bit where Blaine sits down on the piano bench and just shoves Puppet New Puck to the ground. At the end, Blaine is woken from his addled stupor by Real Flesh and Blood Tina. Everyone in New Directions is mad at him because he basically slept through rehearsal. Commercials.

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