Puppet Master

Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | 87 USERS: C
Kurt Gets Felt Up

Cut to Blaine walking down the hallway, holding a conversation with Puppet Kurt. Blaine: "I forgave myself a long time ago, I think it's time I forgave you now." Wait, Blaine thinks he needs to forgive Kurt for having the gall to be cheated on? Puppet Kurt doesn't find this as insane as I do. Blaine's descent into madness is interrupted when he sees Sue walking down the hallway in a track suit and high heels. She's tottering all over the place, and falls down in front of Blaine. He's the only student to come to her aid. But she's not grateful. To the contrary, she's profoundly disturbed that he touched her with a puppet. She tells him that she never wants to see the devil puppet in the school again, and he tells her, "You can't just ban puppets." Sue takes this as a challenge to her authority, brought on by her attempt to appear feminine. So she confiscates Puppet Kurt, and tells Blaine "If I catch you with your hand up the butt of anything that isn't human, you're in a world of trouble." Commercials.

Sue enters the music room, where she finds Will working on some solo dance moves. She's there to ask for a favor -- she's trying to impress Hot New Superintendent with her femininity, and she wants Will's help learning to walk and dance in her new shoes. Before making this request, Sue happens to sit down right next to the hissing vent. Will only agrees to help her in exchange for the $600 he needs for new costumes for Nationals. So, Will is a gigolo, now? Sue rebukes his offer, since he wastes far too much money on full production numbers that will never be used in competition. Will leaves her to stew in her own juices, and the gas takes over, bringing her to a black and white fantasy in which she dances with Will to "Cheek to Cheek." Will is wearing white tie, while Sue is a vision in lamé and marabou. The fantasy ends when Becky wakes her up, and Sue has a puzzled look on her face.

Boring Teenaged Romance Angst. New Puck and New Santana are in an empty hallway together. He tells her, impatiently, that he doesn't want a girlfriend. She doesn't want him as a boyfriend. But she does have to break the news that she's pregnant. So when she sang "Rhythm Nation," was that about the birth control method she was relying on? In any case, she wants him to come to the doctor with her. Kids are so stupid. Especially these kids.

Sue's office, night time. Blaine, wearing a mask, sneaks into the office and picks the lock on the cabinet where Sue stuffed Puppet Kurt. Of course, he is caught by Sue, who delivers the following epic of Sue Sylvester-ness: "Well, well, well. If it isn't Miss Sally Field in Not Without My Puppet. Did you really think I was too stupid to suspect that you would come back here under the cloak of darkness to claim your monstrous puppet bride, you strange, tiny, doe-eyed pervert? Kindly remove your fist from Puppet Hummel's butt and place him gingerly on the desk. And now report to detention for the rest of the week." He pleads with her to let him go to New York to see Kurt's show, but she has no mercy. She tells him to leave, and feel shame. If only he knew how.

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