Puppet Master

Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | 87 USERS: C
Kurt Gets Felt Up

So, it's either later that week, or Blaine was breaking into Sue's office at the same time he was supposed to be flying to New York, because when Blaine calls Kurt, Kurt is in his dressing room at Callbacks, wondering if Blaine was able to get the will-call ticket Kurt left for him. Blaine, of course, is calling to tell Kurt that he can't be at the show due to puppet-related detention. Kurt's stupidly whiny about it, all while Blaine pictures him as Puppet Kurt. The call ends in a cloud of felt and recriminations. Rachel enters the dressing room, and Kurt tells her she can release Blaine's seat. But she tells him that's not really a problem, as only one person has shown up for their gig…and he's got a pile of Murder, She Wrote DVDs in front of him, because he's expecting to see a performance by Angela Lansbury. Commercials.

Sue has called Unique into her office. "When a woman of my stature needs a makeover, she rings up all her best gays. But unfortunately, Porcelain, the sassy toothless elf, is in New York. So, God's most fabulous mistake, I turn to you." So many things wrong with that sentence, but also so many things right about it. Unique lets all the insults pass her by and whips out her makeup kit, ready to bring some realness to Sue Sylvester.

Figgins is apparently running detention, which contains only Blaine, New Puck, and Becky. Figgins tells them that it's now 4:01 and that they have exactly eight hours to "ponder the errors of your pubescent ways." So detention lasts until just after midnight? How does this show continue to find new ways to surprise me with its moronic insanity? Figgins leaves, and Blaine suggests that they use the time to try to get to know each other. He's shot down by Becky, in her usual blunt manner. But then Blaine has another fantasy, in which New Puck and Becky are puppets who do want to share with him. It turns out that Puppet Becky is really Emilio Estevez, since she taped another student's buns together just to impress her old man. Blaine tells them he feels guilty about missing Kurt's show, since Kurt needs him. But Puppet New Puck and Puppet Becky blow smoke up his ass about how they all need him, since he is "America's gay sweetheart." Sorry, Blaine, but I think that job was just taken by Tom Daley. (I don't care that he's British. He's ours!).

Blaine tells them they're his only friends, but Puppet Becky points out that they're not real, they're just puppets. This causes Blaine to realize that the fact that he can only open up with fantasies that he can totally control is a sign that he is a control freak with serious mental health issues. Puppet New Puck asks him, "By the way, did you notice that you're now having puppet fantasies outside the choir room? That's not normal. Seriously, you might want to get a CAT scan." Blaine is woken by Human New Puck, who asks him to cover with Figgins if he comes back, because New Puck has to go to the doctor with the girl he knocked up. Except he leaves out that last detail.

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