Puppet Master

Episode Report Card
LTG: C+ | 87 USERS: C
Kurt Gets Felt Up

New Puck finds New Santana in the hallway. She no longer needs to go to the doctor, because she got her period. I hope that's true and that she's not just hiding her pregnancy. Because she can't be both New Santana and New Quinn. That would be too much. And then she tells him that if he keeps man-whoring around, he's going to knock somebody up, and she would hate to be the person to have to deal with his toxic ass when that happens. Except she already kind of did have to do that. Anyway, the point is that she wants nothing more to do with him. Could that possibly be the end of all of these stupid teen romance plot lines? Please? Commercials.

Sue is a vision of modern professional femininity as she leads the school board on a tour of McKinley. Hot New Superintendent sidles up to her to apologize for the earlier confusion about her genitals. As she leads them into the choir room, Figgins interrupts the tour to point out that Sue has been ignoring a dangerous gas leak that has threatened the health and safety of the entire student population. Except that Sue's not a moron. As soon as she awoke from her gas-induced fantasy, she realized there was a problem, found the leak, and closed it off. Damn it, Sue! We were counting on that gas leak to kill the entire Ohio cast, allowing the show to focus on the interesting stuff in New York. Now you've ruined the rest of the season! The rest of the school board doesn't share my desire to see all of their students die, and they are thrilled with what they've seen. She's sure to get a permanent appointment as the school's principal. As they're about to leave, Sue asks HNS if he'd like to go on a date with her. And he would not. Because he is clearly blind. Or gay. Actually, if the latter is true, could someone give him my number? I could go for a silver fox who doesn't quite understand the difference between male and female.

Stage, in the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion. Blaine asks, "Am I okay? I mean, is this what it feels like to be losing your mind?" I'm going to take a stab at answering that question. The answer is "Yes. Yes, Blaine, this is what it feels like to be losing your mind." But he's not asking me. He's asking Puppet Tina, who is sexually harassing him. This uncomfortable scene is interrupted by Human Tina, wearing the same outfit as Puppet Tina. She's there to tell him that they all feel bad about making him feel bad for being a controlling monster, and they've decided to cave into his neuroses and give him the lead on one of the songs at Nationals. But she would still like him to take his hand out from under her puppet dress. Seems fair enough.

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