Glee

Ep.

Title

Air/Pub'l

Grade

Author

5-13
Recaplet

Don't Let That Door Smack You On The Ass

New Directions - New Directions is no more, as Sue Sylvester finally shuts down The Glee Club for good just in time for most of its present members to graduate.

03.25.2014
03.26.2014

Demian

5-12
Recap

Return to Sender

100 - Many former Glee Clubbers return to Ohio for a couple of weeks to mourn the passing of New Directions because none of them have anything better to do with their lives, apparently. Drama ensues.

03.18.2014
03.24.2014
C-

Demian

5-11
Recap

City of Emotional Manipulation

City of Angels - Hey, it's time for Nationals. Can the kids of New Directions cope with the crushing weight of the expectation that they'll not only defend their national title but also honor the memory of their deceased mentor? No spoilers, but have you met these kids?

03.11.2014
03.17.2014
B-

LTG

5-10
Recap

Santana's Hair Is Full Of Secrets

Trio - Also squirrels. Dreamboat Blaine arranges an overnight lock-in at the school for some wholly inexplicable reason, Santana Lopez and Old Idiot Rachel continue to scream at each other, and some poor little bastard ends up with Will Schuester for a dad.

03.04.2014
03.07.2014

Demian

5-9
Recap

"What A Treacly, Stomach-Turning Waste Of Everybody's Time."

Frenemies - Old Idiot Rachel's tiny little brain explodes when Peter Facinelli casts Santana Lopez as her Funny Girl understudy, while Make-A-Wish and Tina: Warrior Princess battle it out for valedictorian at the graduation ceremony I'm pretty sure we're never actually going to see. Oh, and Adam Lambert continues to be ridiculously charming, but you still can't make me care about his storyline.

02.25.2014
03.03.2014

Demian

5-8
Recap

Christmas In... What Month Is It?

Previously Unaired Christmas - Even though it's spring time in the Glee universe, we're celebrating Christmas via a previously unaired holiday extravaganza! Kurt, Rachel, and Santana get a job as mall elves in New York, but end up having their holiday ruined when a rough trade Santa gets them drunk and robs the loft. In Ohio, we celebrate with a Christmas tree decorating contest and a living manger.

12.05.2013
12.10.2013
N/A

LTG

5-7
Recap

Kurt Gets Felt Up

Puppet Master - For no particular reason, it's a puppet extravaganza! Blaine fails to curb his control queen tendencies, pissing everybody off until he apologizes. Kurt's band has a disastrous gig, but still comes out ahead. And we learn the origin of Sue's track suit fetish. It's exactly as thrilling as it sounds.

11.28.2013
12.03.2013
C+

LTG

5-6
Recap

Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack

Movin’ Out - Dreamboat Blaine and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen have a variety of excellent adventures in New York City while Artie valiantly shows Becky Jackson the error of her ways back in Lima.

11.21.2013
11.25.2013
B-

Demian

5-5
Recap

Twerk Like There's Nobody Watching

The End Of Twerk - Because considering the way this show's ratings have been going, chances are pretty good nobody is. Mr. Schue and Principal Sylvester have another go at each other's throats, just for the hell of it, while The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway and St. Gay Of Lima get tattoos.

11.14.2013
11.18.2013
N/A

Demian

5-4
Recap

Throat Explosion

A Katy Or A Gaga - The Ohio children panic upon learning of their probable Nationals competition while St. Gay Of Lima makes a new friend in New York City.

11.07.2013
11.11.2013
D

Demian

5-3
Recap

The Grief Porn

The Quarterback - In the wake of Famous Original Finn's mysterious death from causes forever to be undetermined, Mr. Schue calls together Glee Clubbers past and present to sing about their emotions.

10.10.2013
10.16.2013
C-

Demian

5-2
Recap

They're All Gonna Laugh At You!

Tina In The Sky With Diamonds - Except for yours truly, because this episode was a snore. Beatlemania continues apace as Single-T Tina takes a Slushie bath at the prom, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen falls for a school nurse who could be even stupider than his hair, and Old Idiot Rachel gets cast as Fanny Brice.

10.03.2013
10.09.2013
C-

Demian

5-1
Recap

Ew, Ew, Ew

Love, Love, Love - Dreamboat Blaine proposes to St. Gay of Lima, Coach Sylvester returns to assume full control of McKinley High and Old Idiot Rachel totally biffs her Funny Girl callback. So, pretty much what we were all expecting from this season's premiere, though I've got this vague feeling they forgot something somewhere, you know what I mean?

09.26.2013
09.30.2013
C+

Demian

4-22
Recap

I'll Give A Imitation Of A Crawfish

All Or Nothing - The kiddies of The New New Directions triumph at Regionals, while Old Idiot Rachel makes it all the way to final callbacks for Funny Girl.

05.09.2013
05.13.2013
C

Demian

4-21
Recap

The Incredible Kurt's Wonder Bone

Wonder-ful - That title's not in any way relevant to the episode, but I just couldn't resist. Rachel gets ready for her callback for Funny Girl, while Will subjects us all to the music of Stevie Wonder.

05.02.2013
05.07.2013
C+

LTG

4-20
Recap

The Darkness Persists

Lights Out - An unexpected blackout at McKinley High forces the Ohio kiddies to perform stripped-down acoustic versions of 40-year-old pop songs, while Sarah Jessica Parker returns to New York to teach Santana Lopez a thing or two about life and love in the big city.

04.25.2013
04.30.2013
B+

Demian

4-19
Recap

I Should Hate You The Whole Night Through

Sweet Dreams - Mr. Schue loses his damn mind for most of the hour while Old Idiot Rachel auditions for Funny Girl on Broadway. In other news, this show's been renewed through 2015. God help us all.

04.18.2013
04.22.2013
D+

Demian

4-18
Recap

"An Hour Later, The Cops Arrived..."

Shooting Star - The loftiest of hijinks ensue when Becky Jackson lugs a fully-loaded semiautomatic into The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High.

04.11.2013
04.16.2013
F

Demian

4-17
Recap

Here They Go Again

Guilty Pleasures - Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen admits he's known of Dreamboat Blaine's crush all year long, Old Idiot Rachel breaks up with her filthy whore of a boyfriend, and Santana Lopez makes a triumphant return to My Ancestral Homeland.

03.21.2013
03.25.2013
A-

Demian

4-16
Recap

MINAAAAAAAAAAJ!

Feud - Several musical battles erupt within The Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High for several very stupid reasons, while Santana Lopez takes down Old Idiot Rachel's filthy whore of a boyfriend.

03.14.2013
03.19.2013
B

Demian

4-15
Recap

"We Have A Slight Coppery Odor"

Girls (And Boys) On Film - Will and Emma get back together (sort of), St. Gay Of Lima and Meth Head Grandpa break up (more or less), The Horrible Hooker's knocked up (I'm pretty sure), and Santana Lopez wins at everything (of course). Featuring an extra-special guest appearance by New Puck's Thighs.

03.07.2013
03.13.2013
B+

Demian

4-14
Recap

Take Back The Cake, Burn The Shoes, And Boil The Rice

I Do - Emma dumps Will at the altar, so everyone else gets drunk and laid, in that approximate order. Best. Wedding. Ever!

02.14.2013
02.19.2013
A-

Demian

4-13
Recap

"What A Lovely Voice, But Who Cares?"

Diva - Bloaty The Gravy Clown resurrects Diva Week at McKinley while St. Gay Of Lima and The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway engage in a little sing-off of their own over at Fake Drama School In New York.

02.07.2013
02.13.2013
D

Demian

4-12
Recap

I'm All Out of Faith

Naked - With The Swallows officially disqualified from all future show choir competitions, and with The Rosedale Mennonites apparently rotting away in a mass unmarked grave somewhere remote and forbidding, the children of The New New Directions must now somehow find $400 to pay for their trip to Regionals.

01.31.2013
02.04.2013
A-

Demian

4-11
Recap

A Hard Pill to Swallow

Sadie Hawkins - The ever-intrepid Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen exposes a Swallows Sectionals steroid scandal that might just send The New New Directions on their merry way to Regionals this year after all, but everyone else is too busy wallowing in boring relationship angst to care.

01.24.2013
01.30.2013
C+

Demian

4-10
Recap

Batshit, Actually

Glee, Actually - Five entirely unrelated holiday-season vignettes are here to remind us what's really important this time of year: Album sales.

12.13.2012
12.19.2012
A-

Demian

4-9
Recap

Somethin' Stupid

Swan Song - Marley's fainting spell causes New Directions to lose at Sectionals. The kids all move on and find other things to do with their time, but Finn convinces them to return to glee club. Which means we don't get to see Blaine performing on the bathhouse circuit.

12.06.2012
12.12.2012
B-

LTG

4-8
Recap

In Which We Give Thanks That New Rachel Is Dead

Thanksgiving - The children of The New New Directions head to Sectionals with massive amounts of help from the children of The Old New Directions, and great fun is had by all until Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel drops dead in the middle of the performance.

11.29.2012
12.05.2012
D

Demian

4-7
Recap

Crisis On Earth Glee!

Dynamic Duets - Dastardly evildoers have stolen the Nationals trophy from the Glee Cave! Can the New Directions join together to solve the crime, or will the rivalry between Femme Fatale and the Wallflower tear the team apart? And will Night Bird give in to the power of the dark side? Tune in to find out!

11.22.2012
11.28.2012
A-

LTG

4-6
Recap

This Episode's Real Title Is Too Stupid For Words

Glease - The fun-loving kids of The New New Directions successfully present their stage version of the movie version of Grease with some help from the fun-loving kids of The Old New Directions. Meanwhile, Drunk Kate Hudson takes Idiot Rachel down another couple of notches, mainly because she can.

11.15.2012
11.19.2012
D+

Demian

4-5
Recap

Cheese Is The Word

The Role You Were Born To Play - It's time for auditions for the school musical, and Finn joins Artie as co-director of the show. There's all kinds of drama over the auditions, as you might expect. But it turns out the real audition is for Finn, who gets an invitation to take over the glee club while Will goes to Washington.

11.08.2012
11.14.2012
B+

LTG

4-4
Recap

The Breakup(s)

The Break Up - A variety of couples I never really cared about in the first place decide to end their various relationships for a number of different reasons.

10.04.2012
10.09.2012
A

Demian

4-3
Recap

I Said "Makeover," Not "Make Out"

Makeover - Kurt gets an internship at Vogue.com and gives Rachel a makeover, leading her to make out with Brody just as Finn comes a knockin'. Didn't he notice that the loft was a rockin'?

09.27.2012
10.03.2012
B-

LTG

4-2
Recap

It's Still Brittany, Bitch

Britney 2.0 - Our Brittany takes a page from what she believes to be Other Britney's career playbook and contrives a complete and total breakdown for herself in order to stage a triumphant comeback. Remarkably, it works.

09.20.2012
09.26.2012
A-

Demian

4-1
Recap

Welcome to New York. You Suck!

The New Rachel - Rachel's an insecure mess in New York, while the kids still at McKinley have become self-centered, over-entitled jerks. But everything is turned right-side up at the end, when Kurt arrives in New York to remind Rachel how special she is and new girl Marley helps the kids in Ohio remember that being nice was more fun than being popular.

09.13.2012
09.19.2012
B+

LTG

3-22
Recap

Adios

Goodbye - Farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu. But not to yieu, or yieu, or yieu, because only one person is getting out of Lima. Everyone else is sticking around for one reason or another.

05.22.2012
05.29.2012
B-

LTG

3-21
Recap

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Nationals - The children triumph at Nationals. Oh, and Will and Emma totally do it.

05.15.2012
05.21.2012
A

Demian

3-20
Recap

Hit Her Again!

Props - The body switch we've all heard about happens, and it's as fun as we hoped it'd be. But then Tina wakes up from her fantasy after only ten minutes. Can't we put her in a medically-induced coma for a couple of seasons?

05.15.2012
05.21.2012
A

LTG

3-19
Recap

Gleekasaurus Wrecks

Prom-asaurus - It's a long, boring slog through Quinn's insanity, Rachel's self-pity, Becky's rage and Blaine's fear of an afro planet. The only highlights along the way are a few smashed xylophones and Puck's waxed chest. Enjoy!

05.08.2012
05.14.2012
D-

LTG

3-18
Recap

Beiste's Cooter Throws A Mean Right Hook

Choke - What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?

05.01.2012
05.07.2012
N/A

Demian

3-17
Recap

Houston, We Have Some Problems

Dance with Somebody - Let's all work through our emotions about upcoming graduation by singing Whitney Houston songs. And then next week we can work through our emotions about upcoming Flag Day by singing the songs of A-ha.

04.24.2012
04.30.2012
C

LTG

3-16
Recap

"I'm Sick Of Guys Who Ain't Got Their Shit Together."

Saturday Night Glee-ver - Mr. Schue uses the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack to teach everyone a Very Special Lesson about hope. Or something like that.

04.17.2012
04.23.2012
B-

Demian

3-15
Recap

Brotherly Eeeeeeeeeeeeew

Big Brother - Dreamboat Blaine's even dreamier brother blows into town to look exceptionally pretty while manufacturing some exceptionally unnecessary drama.

04.10.2012
04.16.2012
B+

Demian

3-14
Recap

F Me Gently With A Chainsaw

On My Way - This year's Regionals episode turns into an hour-long public service announcement on the theme of "Teenage Suicide: Don't Do It" when a tertiary character tries and fails to off himself.

02.21.2012
02.27.2012
F

Demian

3-13
Recap

Sugar High

Heart - Sugar Motta drives much of tonight's plot, with her plans for a big party at the Sugar Shack (which is just Breadstix with lots of balloons). Artie and Rory compete for Sugar's love. Santana demands acceptance from the God Squad. Kurt is stalked by a shocking secret admirer. And Rachel's dads hatch a secret plot to get the kids to break up, but it fails spectacularly.

02.14.2012
02.21.2012
C+

LTG

3-11
Recap

Livin' La Vida Lima

The Spanish Teacher - Will realizes he pretty much sucks as a Spanish teacher and transfers to the History department. Ricky Martin ensues. ¡Arriba!

02.07.2012
02.14.2012
C-

Demian

3-11
Recap

There's No Need To Fear! Underboob Is Here!

Michael - When meerkats on this show appear to scratch the lens of Blaine the Fair and flout the rules that they should fear, the cry goes up both far and near for Underboob! (Underboob) Underboob! (Underboob) Tape recorder taped thereunder, catching meerkats in a blunder. Underboob! (Underboob) Uuunderbooob!!!

01.31.2012
02.06.2012
B+

LTG

3-10
Recap

Long Live the Queens

Yes/No - And by "queens," I actually don't mean Kurt and Blaine. Instead, I'm referring to the royal duo of Dame Helen Mirren and Lauren Potter, who turn what could be a Very Special Episode into a really special episode.

01.17.2012
01.23.2012
A-

LTG

3-9
Recap

Merry Wackmas!

Extraordinary Merry Christmas - Hey, homeless people. How do those tears taste? Bitter? Why don't you listen to some self-important kids sing about it? If you're lucky, they'll drown out the clanging chimes of doom.

12.13.2011
12.19.2011
N/A

LTG

3-8
Recap

"You Smell Like Craigslist."

Hold On To Sixteen - It's time for Sectionals again, and as New Directions still needs a few more members to qualify for competition, Frankenteen takes it upon himself to lurch through the rugged wilds of Northern Kentucky in search of the elusive Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, because Ryan Murphy said so.

12.06.2011
12.12.2011
A-

Demian

3-7
Recap

Man, I Was Really Hoping For Jill Sobule

I Kissed a Girl - It's a hot mess of an episode that resolves almost nothing but sets up tons of story lines for the next few episodes. Kurt loses his election, but Burt wins his. Rachel gets suspended and kicked out of Sectionals. Puck and Shelby finally do it (for real this time). And Sue steals the Panther's man. I have a feeling things are gonna get messy.

11.29.2011
12.06.2011
B

LTG

3-6
Recap

Mash-Off

Mash-Off - New Directions and The Troubletones square off to compete in The Third Annual McKinley High Mash-Up Mash-Off, with the sassy gals of Idina Menzel's nurturing lady-choir pulling out an easy win, but the real story of the evening involves Santana Lopez and her deliberate outing at the hands of one Finn Hudson.

11.15.2011
11.21.2011
B

Demian

3-5
Recap

When You're A Gleek, You're A Gleek All The Way

The First Time - It's time for West Side Story. Which naturally leads young (and not so young) minds to thoughts of romance. Will Rachel and Finn finally do it? What about Kurt and Blaine? Will Coach Bieste finally get a date? And will Finn get recruited to be the quarterback at a major university? Sorry, just kidding about that last one. He's way too big a klutz to ever play big-time college ball.

11.08.2011
11.14.2011
A

LTG

3-4
Recap

It's Magically Disgusting!

Pot O' Gold - Several of the young ladies defect to the new McKinley show choir, Burt Hummel decides to run against Sue Sylvester for Congress, Puck and Idina Menzel totally do it, and our dear little Brit-Brit makes a special new friend. It kinda blew.

11.01.2011
11.07.2011
C-

Demian

3-3
Recap

The 'F' Stands For 'Freaking Awesome'!

Asian F - Which is what Mike Chang is. He sings, he dances, he pulls our heartstrings. Also, Rachel and Mercedes face off over the role of Maria, and Emma faces the fact that her parents are completely insane and hateful.

10.04.2011
10.10.2011
A-

LTG

3-2
Recap

Straining Harsh Discords And Unpleasing Sharps

I Am Unicorn - It's high drama at McKinley High as Kurt tries and fails to butch it up, Rachel reunites with her mother, Quinn reunites with her bitty little bastard of a towheaded moppet, and a bunch of other people do a bunch of other stuff.

09.27.2011
10.03.2011
B-

Demian

3-1
Recap

Third Verse, Same As The First

The Purple Piano Project - How does every season of this show begin? With a recruiting drive. A highly unsuccessful recruiting drive. But this year, we also get to see Rachel and Kurt's dreams shattered. That's gotta count for something.

09.20.2011
09.26.2011
B

LTG

2-23
Recap

How Do You Get To Carnegie Hall?

New York - Procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate. At least, that seems to be the Glee Club's plan to win Nationals. They wait until the very last minute to write their songs, and then are shocked when they don't finish in the top ten. But even though they're losers, they're still one big happy family.

05.25.2011
05.31.2011
C+

LTG

2-21
Recap

Wait -- What Airline Was That, Again?

Funeral - Mr. Schue signs Jesse St. James on as New Directions' Nationals consultant, Crazy Terri moves to Miami, Finn and Quinn break up again, and Sue's sister dies, but best of all, the children get to fly first-class to New York City for free on a certain prominent national carrier!

05.17.2011
05.23.2011
B-

Demian

2-20
Recap

You Call That a Prom?

Prom Queen - Nobody gets wasted, nobody gets pregnant in the back of a limo, and nobody stays home and pretends that watching SNL is just as good as going to the dance. It's like they just ignored all the traditional elements that say "prom." But it's still a fun dance, and we all learn special lessons.

05.10.2011
05.17.2011
B+

LTG

2-19
Recap

More Placenta?

Rumours - Oh, come on -- it's certainly more appealing than the storyline they saddled Lady Lips with this evening. New Directions faces a collective crisis of confidence when Sue peppers the school with startling and salacious rumors regarding the children's extracurricular activities. Didn't we cover this last season during "Bad Reputation"?

05.03.2011
05.09.2011
C-

Demian

2-18
Recap

Kurt Comes Home!

Born This Way - Santana was born a bitch, Karofsky was born a chicken-shit closet-case, Quinn was born fat and ugly, Rachel was born with an enormous nose and Emma was born with a serious anxiety disorder. But Kurt was born to wear fabulous clothes, and he's finally back at the place he can do that with reckless abandon.

04.26.2011
05.02.2011
A

LTG

2-17
Recap

A Night Of CRAP

A Night Of Neglect - The children rather tediously band together to send McKinley High's Brainiacs to Detroit (no comment), but it is for Gwyneth that we reserve our rage. SHUT IT, HAG.

04.19.2011
04.25.2011
D-

Demian

2-16
Recap

An Anthem For The Ages

Original Song - We're talking about "Trouty Mouth," of course. The kids write a bunch of original songs, including a couple that are absolute genius. But they ignore the mindblowing contributions of Santana and Puck and perform a couple of bland pop songs at Regionals. In much more important news, Blaine and Kurt finally start dating. Woot!

03.15.2011
03.22.2011
A+

LTG

2-15
Recap

Tensies For Menses

Sexy - Gwyneth Paltrow returns to McKinley High to teach the kiddies about their naughty bits. Shockingly enough, it totally didn't suck.

03.08.2011
03.14.2011
A

Demian

2-14
Recap

The Lost Gleekend

Blame It On The Alcohol - If this episode leaves you feeling woozy and light-headed, it might be from the constant stream of head-spinning insanity. Or it might be second-hand drunkenness from all the alcohol fumes, as almost every character gets drunker than a gay Republican congressman trying to have sex with his wife.

02.22.2011
02.28.2011
A+

LTG

2-13
Recap

Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah, Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah

Comeback - Sue fakes an overdose in a wildly successful attempt to elicit Will's sympathy, thereby kicking off a wildly unsuccessful plot to infiltrate the glee club and destroy it from within.

02.15.2011
02.22.2011
A-

Demian

2-12
Recap

Love, Lima Style

Silly Love Songs - Rachel pines for Finn, Finn chases Quinn, Kurt has a crush on Blaine -- same old, same old. But what's new is that Puck realizes that he wants to get with Lauren Tuna, so he brings it, and he brings it hard. It may be my favorite love match since Sue and Rod the anchorman.

02.08.2011
02.15.2011
B+

LTG

2-11
Recap

Glee's Super! Thanks For Asking!

The Sue Sylvester Shuffle - The most expensive post-Super Bowl television episode ever brought us carnies, cannons, zombies, hockey hair, last-minute come-from-behind victories, nascent redemption arcs, re-budding romances and flaming boobs. Of course, some of these things were far more entertaining than the others.

02.06.2011
02.14.2011
C-

Demian

2-10
Recap

Demian's Small Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

A Very Glee Christmas - Mainly because Sue Sylvester dressed up as The Grinch and completely thrashed New Directions' tacky Christmas decorations with a golf club, of course. Like you were expecting some other reason?

12.07.2010
12.13.2010
A-

Demian

2-9
Recap

Don't Cry for Glee, Artie and Tina

Special Education - The truth is, that Kurt has left you, to go to Dalton, where life is boring. But here comes Lauren, to save your chances.

11.30.2010
12.06.2010
B+

LTG

2-8
Recap

The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt

Furt - Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson get married, but Burt's drama empress of a son somehow connives to make both the ceremony and the reception all about him.

11.23.2010
11.29.2010
D

Demian

2-7
Recap

The Replacements

The Substitute - Everybody's doing some kind of substituting this episode. Sue substitutes as the principal. Holly Holliday substitutes for Will. Mercedes substitutes tater tots for love (allegedly). Terri substitutes as Will's wife. And a Breadstix waitress substitutes tater tots in an order for Mercedes. By the end, everything is back to normal. Except that Sue is still principal. Yikes.

11.16.2010
11.22.2010
A-

LTG

2-6
Recap

Never Been Kissed

Never Been Kissed - In this Very Special Episode, Prince Charming finally arrives to sweep Our Dear Mr. Hummel off his feet. Unfortunately, we're still not sure if Prince Charming is that sparkly eyed warbler from Dalton Academy or the macho McKinley meathead who's been slamming him into lockers for the last three years.

11.09.2010
11.15.2010
C-

Demian

2-5
Recap

Sue's To Blame!

Rocky Horror Glee Show - Well, not really. It's actually Will's poor judgment and low intelligence that's to blame, for so many things. Like planning a production of The Rocky Horror Show for high school kids. And guilting Emma into singing a sexy song with him. And causing Finn to become a never-nude. But it's all okay, because he also made Sam wear nothing but a pair of shorts for much of the episode.

10.26.2010
11.01.2010
N/A

LTG

2-4
Recap

Happy Days Are Here Again

Duets - Well, for Rachel and Finn, Sam and Quinn, and Tina and Gaylord, at any rate. Sucks to be everybody else on this show! But especially Brittany. No, I mean it: Poor Brittany. And now I'm getting a little emotional again. Damn you, Artie!

10.12.2010
10.18.2010
A-

Demian

2-3
Recap

Holy Mary, Mother of Gouda!

Grilled Cheesus - Does God exist? Mercedes and Rachel think so. Kurt and Sue are equally certain of the opposite. But Finn is not only pretty confident that God exists -- he believes that he's got God on a plate, in the form of a gooey, delicious, calcium-rich, saturated-fat-bearing grilled cheese sandwich. It's not quite a sacred waffle, but it'll do.

10.05.2010
10.11.2010
A-

LTG

2-2
Recap

It's Brittany, Bitch

Britney/Brittany - And she'll never let us forget it. Until next week, of course, when everyone will have forgotten everything about tonight. Our Brittany shows That Britney how it's done, then joins Sue, Terri, The Maharishi, and Santana Lopez to steal this episode out from beneath the feet of this show's ostensible leads. Featuring STAMOS! as "Hot Carl."

09.28.2010
10.04.2010
A-

Demian

2-1
Recap

Beauty And The Beiste

Audition - It's a new season of Glee, which means some new characters. We were all looking forward to the beautiful voice of new character Sunshine Corazon. And the beautiful lips of new character Sam. But the real beauty in this episode came from the soul of Coach Shannon Beiste. We love you, Panther.

09.21.2010
09.27.2010
B+

LTG

1-22
Recap

Journey's End

Journey - A journey of twenty-two insane episodes begins with a single rock of crack. And now we've come to the conclusion of the writers' long phantasmagoria of crack, LSD, and magic mushrooms, the conclusion known as "Regionals." Will New Directions win, or at least place, so Figgins will keep the club going? No, of course not. But Sue apparently got into the writers' stash, because she has an addlebrained change of heart and saves the club.

06.08.2010
06.14.2010
B+

LTG

1-21
Recap

You Ain't Got No Kind of Feeling Inside

Funk - The exquisitely coordinated Sandy Ryerson lets Will know that funk music is Vocal Adrenaline's Achilles' heel because Carmel High's filled with nothing but soulless automatons, so Mr. Schue and the kids naturally practice various songs that have absolutely nothing to do with funk music at all until the very end of the episode. It's very exciting!

06.01.2010
06.07.2010
B-

Demian

1-20
Recap

Go-Go For Gaga Puffs!

Theatricality - You want drama? We've got drama. Mixed in with the frothy swirl of silver lamé, purple hair, face paint, spandex and platform shoes that collectively represent the oeuvres of both Lady Gaga and KISS, we get Rachel's poignant reunion with her mother, followed by their even more poignant break-up. Plus more than a hint of teenage homophobia and a big dollop of homo-heroism. So put on your lobster glasses and enjoy!

05.25.2010
06.01.2010
A-

LTG

1-19
Recap

Tigers? At Night? With Voices Soft As Thunder?

Dream On - What the hell does that even MEAN? GOD, I hate Les Miz. This dreadfully paced installment teaches us that dreams must be nurtured lest the entire universe fall into a sucking black hole. I think. Also, to the surprise of absolutely no one who's been paying any attention whatsoever this season, Idina Menzel is Rachel Berry's mother.

05.18.2010
05.24.2010
C-

Demian

1-18
Recap

Have An Egg Roll, Mr. Hummel

Laryngitis - Something like 85 things happen this episode. Puck loses his mohawk and his mojo. Kurt wears flannel. Rachel loses her voice. Puck dates Mercedes. Kurt makes out with Brittany. Finn catches a foul ball. Rachel learns an Important Life Lesson from a quadriplegic. But the only thing that really matters is Kurt's big solo and his tear-inducing scene with his father.

05.11.2010
05.17.2010
N/A

LTG

1-17
Recap

Mullet With Headlights?

Bad Reputation - Sue Sylvester, Will, and many members of the Glee Club find their heretofore pristine reputations heartlessly besmirched within the first five minutes of the episode, and all spend the remainder of the hour desperately attempting to restore their good names. Guess which one of them succeeds?

05.04.2010
05.05.2010
B+

Demian

1-16
Recap

Home-O

Home - Oh give me a home, where my gay stalker does roam, and the drunk she is orange and small. Where seldom is heard, from Rachel a word, and Finn's fixation on his dad's ashes is not creepy at all.

04.27.2010
05.03.2010
B+

LTG

1-15
Recap

It's Madge's World. We Just Lip-Synch To It.

The Power Of Madonna - Sue Sylvester suddenly decides she's deeply admired Madonna since childhood and -- in a shocking twist -- absolutely nobody suffers for it! (Well, except for the Madonnaphobes, but why the hell would they be watching this show in the first place?) The result is an hourlong Madonnathon that is, perhaps, one of the most entertaining episodes this series has ever produced. Save for an excruciating three and a half minutes at the end, of course, but we won't talk about that.

04.20.2010
04.26.2010
A

Demian

1-14
Recap

Hell To The Gro!

Hell-o - Groff, that is. Leah Michele's Spring Awakening co-star is here to romance her once again. But instead of being an intellectual but sexually confused 19th century German schoolboy, he's now the cocky star of Vocal Adrenaline, wooing Rachel for possibly nefarious reasons. Oh, Melchior, how could you?

04.13.2010
04.20.2010
B+

LTG

1-13
Recap

Life's Candy, and the Sun's a Ball of Buttah

Sectionals - Why? Because McKinley High won Sectionals, silly. Ooops! Spoiler!

12.09.2009
12.15.2009
A-

Demian

1-12
Recap

The Princess And The Peabrain

Mattress - It's almost time for Sectionals, which means the disasters are piling up as fast as, well, a pile of mattresses. Disaster 1: Emma and Ken's wedding is the same day as Sectionals. Disaster 2: Will learns about Terri's fake pregnancy, which naturally leads to a huge blow-up and his decision to storm out of their apartment. Disaster 3: The kids shoot a mattress commercial. Which doesn't sound like a disaster until it nearly gets the Glee Club disqualified from Sectionals. But Will takes the bullet for the team, so he's the only one disqualified.

12.02.2009
12.07.2009
A-

LTG

1-11
Recap

I Don't Think You Ready For This Jelly

Hairography - In yet another Very Special Episode of Glee, the kids learn various Important Lessons about simplicity and perseverance and friendship and self-respect and love and sexting and skintight satin Grease pants and American Sign Language and distractions and Eve's hair extensions and The Rule Of Threes and how best to stare at the package of the dopey-yet-hot straight guy sitting next to you during assembly without anyone noticing. Meanwhile, the audience learned how much it hates every single goddamned song John Lennon ever wrote with Yoko Ono. Which side do you think got the worse end of the deal?

11.25.2009
12.01.2009
C-

Demian

1-10
Recap

El Viaje Misterioso de Suzy Pepper

Ballad - Yes, yes, Rachel falls for Mr. Schuester and Finn reveals Quinn's pregnancy to his own mother and to her judgmental parents. But the real star of this episode is one Suzy Pepper, whose spicy adventure gives her the clarity to bring Rachel to her senses. She's like an angel sent from heaven.

11.18.2009
11.23.2009
B+

LTG

1-9
Recap

Proud Mary Keep On Burnin'

Wheels - On tonight's Very Special Episode of Glee, the kids learn a lesson in empathy after they've been forced to live their lives out of wheelchairs for a week, some genius decides we need to see The Softer Side Of Sue, Quinn Fabray must shut up about her damned fetus before we beat her to death, and Our Sweet Little Baby Gay intentionally throws a Wicked sing-off with Rachel in order to protect his father from Lima's losers. We could easily have lived without three of these four things.

11.10.2009
11.12.2009
C+

Demian

1-8
Recap

Attack Of The Singing Bush Baby

Mash-Up - Everything's topsy-turvy this week. Emma sings. Puck dates Rachel. Finn chooses football, while the other football players choose Glee. Quinn is unpopular. And Sue is nice. Thankfully, everything is back to normal by the end of the episode. Which means Sue is back to issuing scary threats. What a relief!

10.21.2009
10.26.2009
B+

LTG

1-7
Recap

O Fortuna!

Throwdown - It's Sue Sylvester's first week as co-captain of the Glee Club, and our favorite conniving sociopath wastes not an instant before attempting to divide and conquer the dancing delinquent mouthbreathing snot faucets by exploiting a loophole in the official Show Choir Rule Book to peel off seven of Will's twelve creatively dressed protégés to form "Sue's Kids." It doesn't last the hour, of course, but good God, it's fun watching her scheme.

10.14.2009
10.19.2009
B+

Demian

1-6
Recap

The 'D' Stands For 'Demented'

Vitamin D - Will thinks the kids are slacking off, so he pushes them into a competition, boys against girls, and before you know it, they're dancing as fast as they can. Terri gets a job as the school nurse to keep an eye on Will, and ends up manipulating Ken into proposing to Emma. Is this a requiem for the dream of Will and Emma? And at the end of the episode, Sue is named co-director of the Glee Club. I'm so excited, I'm so excited... I'm so scared.

10.07.2009
10.12.2009
A

LTG

1-5
Recap

We'll Always Have Branson

The Rhodes Not Taken - Tony luminary and recent Emmy winner Kristin Chenoweth guests as a blowzy alcoholic Will recruits to replace Rachel in New Directions, and hijinks ensue when she introduces Kurt to the joys of vintage muscle magazines, schools Mercedes and T-T-T-Tina on the finer points of the five-fingered discount, and treats Puck and Gaylord Weiner to a threeway in the locker room showers. Lucky bitch.

09.30.2009
10.05.2009
B

Demian

1-4
Recap

I Think I Should Put a Ring on It

Preggers - Because I really love it. In one episode, Kurt dances up a storm, becomes a football player, wins the big game, and comes out to his father. All without neglecting his skin care regimen. In other news, Quinn is pregnant, Puck is the father, and Terri is out to steal the baby for herself. And Rachel quits the Glee Club so she can be a self-entitled, catered-to diva in Sandy Ryerson's production of Cabaret.

09.23.2009
09.28.2009
A

LTG

1-3
Recap

Josh Groban Loves a Blowzy Alcoholic

Acafellas - Sue Sylvester conspires (again) with Quinn and her Quinions (again) to smash Glee Club to smithereens once and for all (again), but this week's nefarious plot fails when everyone involved (including, surprisingly enough, Quinn herself) grows a spine, and possibly some cojones as well. With special appearances by Tony luminaries Victor Garber, Debra Monk, and John Lloyd Young, along with some weedy little asshole named Josh Groban and my glorious husband's rock 'n' roll nipple ring.

09.16.2009
09.21.2009
B+

Demian

1-2
Recap

'PE' Doesn't Stand For 'Phys Ed'

Showmance - It's all about sex, baby. Will wants the kids to get their "Le Freak" on for a school assembly, but they'd rather "Push It." Quinn doesn't want Rachel to push anything near Finn, so she joins Glee Club to keep an eye on him. And Will and Emma play sexy janitor games, until she realizes it's foolish to chase a married man expecting a baby. (Oh, and about that baby? Don't hold your breath.)

09.09.2009
09.15.2009
A-

LTG

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