Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: F
More Placenta?

Cut to Will's office, where we find him grading a sheaf of Spanish tests until Orange April magically appears at his door to sass, "'Scuse me -- do you know where a gal can find a pipin'-hot cup of Will Schuester?" Oh, Orange April. How we have not missed you at all. Still, Kristin Chenoweth's a hell of a lot better than Gwyneth Paltrow, so I'll knock it off with the whining to find out why she's here. Seems her "all-white production of The Wiz was a dee-saster," but "being publicly humiliated by The New York Times" got her to thinking, and she's decided to spend what little remains of her vast gold-digging fortune mounting an autobiographical musical instead. To that end, she's returned to Lima with the libretto for Crossrhodes: The April Rhodes Story, and she'd like to borrow The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion (otherwise known as "the auditorium") for rehearsals, as she's "running a little low on funds." Will gawps. Next!

Out in the hall, Becky's enthusiastically distributing the first copies of the new and improved Muckraker to grasping throngs of overeager extras when Rachel floats by to surreptitiously snatch one from Becky's satchel. Rachel then chases down Finn and strongly suggests they perform a duet together at Nationals. Finn, of course, doesn't think that's a good idea, because Quinn might get jealous. This offers sly Rachel the perfect opportunity to hoist her copy of the school paper into the air and inquire, "Why are you so concerned with Quinn's feelings when she obviously has no interest in yours?" Good question, Rachel, but I've got a better one: Why are you dimwits wasting my time with these bullshit teen angst relationship subplots when the season finale's a mere two episodes away? NO ONE CARES ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. DO YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECT TO KEEP DRAGGING THIS CRAP OUT UNTIL YOU HIT SYNDICATION? HUH? HUH?

Ahem. Sorry about that. Well, not really, but my ranting doesn't get us any closer to the end of this episode, so I'll do my best to suppress my urge to start screaming for the rest of this recap. ANY-way, the newest edition of The Muckraker contains a blind items column helpfully entitled "Blind Items Column" that includes the following: "What Prom Queen candidate is spending a lot of time in her closet?" "That's garbage!" Finn eye-rolls. "Quinn's claustrophobic!" Rachel curtly notes that this particular blind item refers to Santana, and directs his attention to the next one on the list. Frankenteen glances at the blurb in question, then takes off for...

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