Fortunately, Dreamboat Blaine and Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen have that one covered. They snap their fingers in unison and the elusive Trent Warbler materializes at the far end of the locker room. Blaine tracked him down after Sam pointed out his Sectionals absence, you see, and convinced him to head over to Lima to share his sordid tale of boarding school sadness, woe and regularly scheduled ass injections with Bloaty the Gravy Clown. As Blaine and Sam suspected, Ernst Blofeld and Sebastian the Predatory Homosexual have been plying The Swallows with illegal substances -- at times even directing them to suck the steroids straight from the needles, even though I'm pretty sure that's not how they work -- and when Trent Warbler balked, Ernst and Sebastian threw him out of the club. "If I go public with this," Trent Warbler frets, "then [The Swallows'] reputation? It's ruined forever -- years of honorable melodies and harmonies, all forgotten!" Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen emphatically counters that The Swallows' reputation was ruined the instant they decided to cheat and Old Finn wraps this simply enthralling segment up by asking of Trent, "Will you do this? Will you testify against The Warblers?" Dramatic strings thrum on the soundtrack as the camera pushes in close to Trent Warbler's troubled face, but alas! This evening's next commercial break overwhelms him before he's able to blurt out his answer.
My Ancestral Homeland. The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway carefully sets out dinner for two, then turns into a shrieking, vicious, harpy nightmare when Dean Geyer has the unmitigated gall to arrive at her apartment 45 minutes late because the MTA blew up again. And as I want nothing more at this moment than to yank her up by her fried extensions and push her shrill hag face through one of her exposed brick walls, I'll be skipping through most of what follows to get to the point: They eventually kiss and make up and she invites him to move in with her, even though they've only been dating for all of two weeks and even though she already has a goddamned roommate. SHUT UP, RACHEL.
Meanwhile, back at the dance, New Finn's taken to the temporary stage by himself to serenade the crowd with The Flamingos' arrangement of Warren and Dubin's "I Only Have Eyes For You." Out on the floor, various couples make irritating schmoopy noises at each other, most notably New Puck and Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, but I'll be focusing on Dreamboat Blaine and Single-T Tina instead, thanks very much. As she pouts by the refreshments, feeling particularly sorry for herself, he returns from his recent super-secret locker room summit with the delightful news that he and Sam might just have saved The Glee Club after all. So, you know, I guess Trent Warbler agreed to testify against Dalton. Yay? "Is there anything you can't do?" Tina swoons, all starry-eyed, with little cartoon hearts practically swirling through the air around her foolishly smitten head. There is no way in hell this is gonna end well. Whee! Blaine leads Tina into the middle of the crowd for one last celebratory slow dance, but unfortunately for her, he can't keep his eyes off Sam and there's no way in hell that's gonna end well either. HOORAY! Both Blaine and Tina are complete frigging morons for allowing all of this to happen, of course, but just this once, I'm not particularly inclined to scream at them about it. Naturally, that'll change the instant these storylines drag on for too long, which should probably happen about midway through next week's episode, but for now? Sigh.