Sadie Hawkins

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
A Hard Pill to Swallow

Smear sideways to a flashback in the McKinley library, where a frantic Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen bursts in on the quietly studying Dreamboat Blaine to present evidence of The Swallows' cheating ways, this in the form of a series of photographs depicting Ernst Blofeld's magically expanding head. "Maybe he started working out," Blaine shrugs. "By doing skull-widening exercises?" Sam howls, outraged. "Dude!" he shouts. "Human growth hormone! HGH! Same thing happened to Mark McGwire and Kirstie Alley, and Drew Carey and Star Jones, and Aretha Franklin and Cedric The Entertainer, and...." Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen's voice fades out as Dreamboat Blaine gets all pie-eyed at the sight of his dumbass beloved's mightily exercised lips and with that, we smear...

...back to the present, where Dreamboat Blaine bemoans his stupidity. Single-T Tina takes a seat beside him on the floor to commiserate for a bit for what I hope are obvious reasons, then decides that the best way for them to deal with their "very human and moving" dilemmas is by attending the dance together as "best friends." Because the script says he must, Blaine agrees. Also: Commercial.

Lima Bean. The Pucks chit-chat about New Puck's girlfriend troubles and, long story short, Old Puck promises to get New Quinn off New Puck's back. If you know what he means... and I think you do.

Manhattan. The Horrible Hooker of Broadway and St. Gay Of Lima stroll arm-in-arm down the sidewalk, nattering away at each other regarding their respective love lives or something, which leads to a series of quick flashbacks wherein Meth Head Grandpa tries to get into St. Gay's pants. I think. I mean, I'm pretty sure, but I'm not about to rewind and check, because as I believe I noted above: Gross. Anyway, back in the present, Old Idiot Rachel urges St. Gay to follow his bliss, then somehow manages not to get herself smashed into tiny little diva bits while blindly crossing Fifth Avenue against the light. Pity.

McKinley. And this is just embarrassing for everyone involved, so I'll cut through the crap and get to the point: Old Puck tells New Quinn to leave his brother alone and -- after some witty flirtatious banter that is in fact none of those things -- New Quinn invites Old Puck to the Sadie Hawkins dance as her date. Old Puck accepts, because he's turned into Matthew McConaughey for some stupid reason. And... scene!

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