Gym. The Glee Gals -- minus New Quinn, for whatever bizarre reason -- have assumed control of the jury-rigged stage and, after the briefest of introductions, they propel themselves into their version of "Locked Out Of Heaven" from Bruno Mars. And it's a hell of a lot of fun, shockingly enough -- especially considering the fact that I'm not the hugest Bruno Mars fan -- and it easily comes in a very close second for the performance of the episode. It's been a good night for those Glee Gals, yes? Still don't know what's up with Not-So-Unique's gown and accessories, though. And why the hell has she been relegated to singing back-up all night, anyway? Who was her Ladies' Choice, huh? I mean, if they gave her a romantic storyline on this show, I'd hate it as much as I hate all of the others, but not including her in this evening's primary festivities does seem like a glaring omission, no?
Whatevs. It's not like I'm all that invested in any of this, so moving on: When the song's over, we head over to see what's going on with Old Puck and New Quinn and after some more witty flirtatious banter that is in fact none of those things, the two head back to her car to -- as New Quinn herself puts it -- "have at it in the backseat." Atta girl.
Locker Room. Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and Dreamboat Blaine present Bloaty the Gravy Clown with further evidence of The Swallows' filthy, cheating ways, with Lady Lips noting that "half The Warblers have gained ten pounds of muscle since they joined the team." Old Finn's already investigated the matter, however, and he discovered that The Swallows actually stole a "weight-training regimen" from the long-lost Vocal Adrenaline, and that everything therefore seems to be on the up and up. Blaine and Sam heatedly counter that, according to what they've read online, no one can gain that much muscle mass without some sort of steroid abuse and as proof of that, Lady Lips shows Bloaty a surreptitiously shot video featuring one of Dalton Academy's finest pitching an almighty 'roid rage in the middle of The Lima Bean when some hapless barista mistakenly puts Splenda in his latte. And while Frankenteen tries to absorb that piece of evidence as best he can, Dreamboat Blaine directs his attention to Chapter 7, Subsection 16, Rule 4, Line 9 of the Official Show Choir Rule Book: "Any team using performance-enhancing drugs -- including amphetamines, anabolic steroids, human growth hormone or Four Loko -- will be automatically disqualified from competition." "The rule's retroactive," Blaine helpfully points out, "so if we can prove they used at Sectionals, they'll have to forfeit and we'll win." "Actually, The Rosedale Mennonites will win," Bloaty the Gravy Clown does not remind them, because he's an idiot. Instead, Old Finn waffles and wavers and eventually whines, "What you are asking me to do here is beyond serious -- [The Swallows] are, like, one of the most respected glee clubs in the country. To accuse them of this? When all we have for proof is photos of some dudes' heads and a cell phone video?" "Look," he sighs, "I want Glee Club back as much as you guys, but this isn't enough. We need more real proof."