And when it's over, Frankenteen dismisses the typically-mute members of The McKinley Jazz Ensemble so he can drag Idiot Rachel over to a chair in order to chat at her some more and long story short, Frankenteen's decided to follow Idiot Rachel to New York after all. He's even applied to The Actors Studio and everything, despite the fact that The Actors Studio is not a school, but whatever -- WHATEVER -- and are we done here? Excellent.
Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. St. Gay Of Lima and Mercedes process through recent events until Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen approaches to drag Mercedes off to yet another vacant classroom and remember that video he recorded of her "Disco Inferno" performance? He uploaded it to YouTube, as "Mercedes Inferno." Unfortunately, Lady Lips left the comments open. Fortunately, this is a fantasy TV show, so aside from one negative remark left by a gentleman who saw the title and expected something like this, the messages read like a bunch love letters to Miss Jones. A bunch of poorly-spelled and atrociously-articulated love letters, of course, but love letters nonetheless. Needless to say, Mercedes is smitten. "You ain't no skim milk, baby," Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen smiles sweetly, "you're cream rising to the top." Mercedes smiles back at him, they mack their way into this evening's final commercial break and you'll pardon me, I'm sure, but doesn't she still have that other boyfriend to worry about? No, wait a minute -- never mind. I just remembered that I totally don't give a shit.
Lair Of The Sylvester. Santana Lopez, seated next to Brittany, squirms uncomfortably in her chair trying and failing to shield herself from the unwavering, laser-like Glare Of Judgment now shooting from Coach Sylvester's eyes. After a few moments of that, Coach Sylvester opens the conversation for which she's summoned Santana like so: "Boobs McGoo, words simply cannot describe how disappointed I am in you." "Look at poor Brittany," Coach Sylvester continues, nodding in Brit-Brit's direction. "Her chagrin is limited only by the fact that she has a brain the size of a toddler's fist." "I can show you the MRI," Brittany solemnly nods and hee! "And it's not just the sex tape," Coach Sylvester insists before observing, apropos of nothing, "My goodness, sex tapes are a dime a dozen these days." "I myself made a sex tape with Oliver North," she overshares, much to Santana's vaguely disturbed consternation. "Wasn't very popular," Coach Sylvester admits, "probably because we released it on Betamax -- I think Cheney still has a copy, though." And with the funny part of this scene thus so entertainingly dispensed with, the ladies get down to the business of wrapping up Santana's storyline for the evening. Long story short, Santana's come to understand the error of her foolish ways and she now wants to attend college. Coach Sylvester's way ahead of her on that one, promptly presenting Santana with an acceptance letter offering her a full ride to the University Of Louisville. "It's in Louisville," Brit-Brit helpfully points out and while that joke landed a lot better the first time they used it, it's still amusing enough to elicit a faint hint of a smile from yours truly. Anyway, Santana makes to offer Coach Sylvester her heartfelt gratitude until Coach Sylvester modestly points out that it's Brittany she should be thanking -- for Brit-Brit, you see, thought up the entire plan all on her own. "She gets an idea once every couple of years," Coach Sylvester smiles, "and lucky for us, this was a good one." The teen lesbians make schmoopy noises at each other and the scene ends with the two of them locked in an embrace while Coach Sylvester gazes on approvingly from the far blurry background of the shot. Awwwwwww.