Lair Of The Sylvester. Santana Lopez, seated next to Brittany, squirms uncomfortably in her chair trying and failing to shield herself from the unwavering, laser-like Glare Of Judgment now shooting from Coach Sylvester's eyes. After a few moments of that, Coach Sylvester opens the conversation for which she's summoned Santana like so: "Boobs McGoo, words simply cannot describe how disappointed I am in you." "Look at poor Brittany," Coach Sylvester continues, nodding in Brit-Brit's direction. "Her chagrin is limited only by the fact that she has a brain the size of a toddler's fist." "I can show you the MRI," Brittany solemnly nods and hee! "And it's not just the sex tape," Coach Sylvester insists before observing, apropos of nothing, "My goodness, sex tapes are a dime a dozen these days." "I myself made a sex tape with Oliver North," she overshares, much to Santana's vaguely disturbed consternation. "Wasn't very popular," Coach Sylvester admits, "probably because we released it on Betamax -- I think Cheney still has a copy, though." And with the funny part of this scene thus so entertainingly dispensed with, the ladies get down to the business of wrapping up Santana's storyline for the evening. Long story short, Santana's come to understand the error of her foolish ways and she now wants to attend college. Coach Sylvester's way ahead of her on that one, promptly presenting Santana with an acceptance letter offering her a full ride to the University Of Louisville. "It's in Louisville," Brit-Brit helpfully points out and while that joke landed a lot better the first time they used it, it's still amusing enough to elicit a faint hint of a smile from yours truly. Anyway, Santana makes to offer Coach Sylvester her heartfelt gratitude until Coach Sylvester modestly points out that it's Brittany she should be thanking -- for Brit-Brit, you see, thought up the entire plan all on her own. "She gets an idea once every couple of years," Coach Sylvester smiles, "and lucky for us, this was a good one." The teen lesbians make schmoopy noises at each other and the scene ends with the two of them locked in an embrace while Coach Sylvester gazes on approvingly from the far blurry background of the shot. Awwwwwww.
Music Room. The time has finally -- finally -- arrived to announce the winner of The First Annual McKinley High Saturday Night Fever Dance Contest -- and you can shut up right now, because you know they're gonna be pulling this shit again next year -- and surprise! It's all of them. Yep, Santana, Mercedes and Frankenteen each earned a painstaking reproduction of Tony Manero's iconic piece of polyester trash and as the winners enter the music room to model their stylish new threads, Mercedes asks of Frankenteen, "What do you want to do now?" "Strut," Frankenteen replies and with that, they all launch themselves into an episode-ending, three-minute-long cover of The Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive," and you'll pardon me for breaking away from the action for yet another moment to ask the following question, I'm sure, but where the hell is Quinn? She's not present for this number and now that I think about it, she wasn't in any of the other ones either. I suppose I shouldn't bother -- I mean, she already got her big episode for the month, and far be it from me to begrudge her a week off, right? -- but still. She's awfully conspicuous now in that temporary wheelchair of hers, which makes her occasional absence all the more noticeable. Well, except for the part where I didn't really miss her until just now. Ooops!