Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Idiot Rachel stares guiltily at Frankenteen from a distance and fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward, fast-forward... oh, hello, Puck! Puck stops by Frankenteen's locker to confirm his previously discussed move to Southern California. Frankenteen looks all shifty-eyed and constipated for a moment before admitting that he won't be accompanying Puck to Los Angeles after all, and then they start talking about Frankenteen's nonexistent ambitions and I roll my eyes and fast-forward straight through this evening's next commercial break.
Coach Sylvester's Office. The lady of the office -- who's contemplatively rubbing her unlikely pregnancy pooch when first we see her -- has summoned the tense duo of Porcelain and "Weezie" to her lair in order to lambaste these "traitors" for offering succor and comfort to the enemy. Coach Sylvester has "a large portion of the school bugged and wiretapped," you see, and thus overheard their conversation with Not-Terribly-Unique earlier in the week. St. Gay Of Lima hastens to explain the situation and notes that he and Mercedes counseled their rival against wearing that dress and heels to Vocal Adrenaline's Regionals, as both St. Gay and Mercedes agreed "it wasn't a very good idea." "It's not a good idea," Coach Sylvester eyebrows, all quiet cunning and menace, "it's a great idea!" "But this is Ohio!" Mercedes yelps by way of protest. "I don't think many people are gonna be down with that!" "Exactly!" Coach Sylvester emphasizes. "He'll tank them at Regionals," she explains, "and then New Directions will coast to a win at Nationals!" Muah-ha-ha-ha! Coach Sylvester just happens to have a pair of 13 Wide silver lamé pumps at her disposal -- they were autographed by her good friend Janet Reno, natch, who was wearing them the day they caught the Unabomber -- and she would like St. Gay and Mercedes to deliver the shoes "unto Unique." And, Coach Sylvester promises, should the children convince their new friend to "cram his hamhocks" into the fabulous things at Regionals, they and their Glee Club cohort will be well on their collective way to a national championship. Porcelain and Weezie clearly have no option but to agree to the plan, and you know what? I've missed this sly and conniving Sue. Why the hell did she go away in the first place? No, don't bother with a response -- I really don't want to be reminded of the depressing answer.