Saturday Night Glee-ver

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
"I'm Sick Of Guys Who Ain't Got Their Shit Together."

...Miss Pillsbury presents Frankenteen with a thick stack of applications to in-state schools offering athletic scholarships to this year's incoming freshmen. Even though it's mid-April. And even though no school in its right mind would accept this lumbering, blithering dolt on an athletic scholarship anyway, even if we weren't already well past their deadlines for the fall semester. This show. This stupid, stupid, evil show. And after Miss Pillsbury and Mr. Schue and Idiot Rachel make supportive noises at him and after he's well out of their collective line of sight, Frankenteen takes that stack of applications and dumps them all in the trash. Whatever.

Meanwhile, over in a far more interesting subplot, Santana Lopez saunters through the hallowed halls of dear McKinley High, a wee bit puzzled by the buzzy attention her simple presence seems to be exciting at the moment, which leads her to wonder, "Why is everyone staring at me like I'm Finn and I just won a butter-eating competition?" Ha! "It's because you're faaaaa-mous!" Our Miss Brit-Brit sing-songs by way of response, going on to explain, "Everybody's loving the sex tape of us I posted on the Internet!" And the name of that sex tape? "Two Girls, One Cat." HA! Our Miss Brit-Brit, you see, took a private sex tape the two ladies made for each other's delectation and "spliced it together with a video of Lord Tubbington performing everyday household chores."

Cut to Lord Tubbington, scrubbing the bathroom floor at Chez Pierce with the help of a sleek little pair of kitten mittens.

"How could you do that?" Santana exasperates once we've returned to the hallowed halls of dear McKinley High. "'Cause you said you wanted to be famous," Brittany shrugs, "so I looked up all the famous people that I knew, and they all have sex tapes, so I put ours out there!" "I'm rilly excited about it!" Brit-Brit chirps before bouncing off towards points unknown, leaving Santana alone to shake her head at her girlfriend's wellspring of dumb for a moment until...

...Lord Tubbington demonstrates his excellent plate-stacking skills right before we head into this evening's next commercial break. Hee! He's even got a little feather duster attached to his tail. Though why Lord Tubbington is stacking plates in Will Schuester's kitchen, I'll never know.

And when we return, Mr. Schue drags Frankenteen into a vacant classroom for what is admittedly the central scene of tonight's episode, but as this show beat whatever sympathy I might have had for these characters to death about a year ago, I'm not gonna spend a whole lot of time on it. Basically, Finn's afraid to grow up -- which: get the fuck over it, doll -- so Mr. Schue pops a handy VHS bootleg of Saturday Night Fever into an equally-handy VCR and, after spouting a few more meaningless platitudes, he leaves Finn alone to figure out a Dream For The Future. No, I don't know why dear old McKinley High has random VHS tapes of R-rated movies from the 1970s lying around its classrooms, so don't ask. Though now that I think about it, Frankenteen could score some excellent employment ideas from The Deer Hunter, so if there's a copy of that somewhere...? What's that? There isn't? You sure? Well, shit.

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