Saturday Night Glee-ver

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
"I'm Sick Of Guys Who Ain't Got Their Shit Together."

Library. Some random stoner dude professes his undying love for Santana Lopez, the latter of whom looks like she's ready to kick him until he's dead. Unfortunately, before that can happen, Our Miss Brit-Brit bounds in with a crayoned list of additional fame-related goals for her girlfriend, for as Brittany herself notes, "Now that we've got your boob in the door, we can't rest." In order for Santana to achieve Jersey Shore levels of fame "without all the blackout drinking," Brit-Brit proposes Santana pursue gigs on reality competition shows like Hoarders or Fear Factor. In fact, Brittany's gone so far as to drive "all the way to Spencerville" in order to procure a pair of bull testicles just so Santana can practice putting "crazy stuff" in her mouth. No comment. Santana makes a face, so Brit-Brit gives her an affectionate peck on the cheek and coos, "Just let me know how far you're willing to go for fame!" before skipping on out of there.

Elsewhere, St. Gay Of Lima and Mercedes tiptoe into the backstage dressing area for Other Regionals, where they presently accost Not-So-Unique and beg her not to go through with her radical costuming choice for Vocal Adrenaline's performance. Not-So-Unique, who's sporting boy clothes at the moment, basically tells them to go to hell, and it's at this point that the sorely-underused Jesse St. James arrives to escort "The Laziest Person Alive" and "The Pasty-Faced Ghost Boy" from the premises for spying. "We're not spies!" Mercedes snaps. "We're friends of Wade's!" "Really?" Jesse St. James blithely replies before smirking, "All the more reason to fire him after the show!" and I think I'm supposed to boo and hiss here, but to be honest with you, I'm too busy staring at Jonathan Groff's eminently mackable hair at the moment to care. And then the announcer guy welcomes Vocal Adrenaline "from Carmel High in Akron" and my head explodes, because Akron is a hundred and sixty goddamned miles away from Lima, and... and... oh, fuck it. Sucky LTG can deal with that particular logistic impossibility when he gets back from his sucky trip to sucky Paris. The bastard.

ANY-way, Announcer Guy welcomes Vocal Adrenaline to the competition and we have finally arrived at The Number Of The Evening. Not-So-Unique and her colleagues hit the stage to offer us all their version of KC And The Sunshine Band's "Boogie Shoes," and it quickly becomes clear that Coach Sylvester's devious machinations have all been for naught, because Not-So-Unique's performance of the song is simply delightful. Granted, her outfit looks a little draggy, what with the opera-length gloves and the blinged-out, too-short fringy black dress and those enormous silver lamé pumps. Then again, the other Lady Adrenalines look just as cheap and besides, Not-So-Unique's definitely serving up some fierce diva realness on that stage, so you can forget about the judges disqualifying her for inappropriate attire -- they'd simply never realize she's not exactly as she presents herself to be. Jesse St. James makes an ill-advised and ultimately futile attempt to yank Not-So-Unique from the stage, but no one really notices and we head into this evening's next commercial break confident in the fact that Not-So-Unique will be making an appearance at this year's Nationals. Whether that future musical performance of hers will top this one of course remains to be seen, but she'll be there. Let's just hope they don't give her any more lines.

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