It's Sectionals, bitches! Unfortunately, before we get to the competition proper, Will must formalize his resignation as director of the Glee Club as a result of last week's unfortunate mattress incident. Emma quickly volunteers to take his place, even going so far as to delay her sham wedding for a few hours in order to escort the kids to the Sectionals venue, so the only thing left to decide upon is the set list itself, though you'd think these bozos would have nailed that damn thing down long before now. Everyone quickly agrees to include their wheelchair-bound version of "Proud Mary" along with their signature "Don't Stop Believing," but a quarrel erupts over the required ballad, with Mercedes demanding her moment in the spotlight over -- who else? -- Rachel. An impromptu diva-off commences, with Mercedes absolutely killing it with a rousing rendition of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls, after which Rachel gracefully concedes.

Of course, because we haven't had quite enough drama up to this point, Rachel tells Finn that Puck's actually the father of Quinn's fetus, so Finn pitches a massive hissy and quits, like, life, or something. After everyone sighs and frets and looks guilty about the entire uncomfortable situation, the kids -- plus last-minute Finn replacement J-Fro, who's been instructed to just stand in the back and sway -- head off to Sectionals, where they've been slotted into the third and final performance spot, and wouldn't you know it? The Jane Addams girls immediately proceed to perform both "And I Am Telling You" and "Proud Mary" -- the latter in wheelchairs, no less -- leading to a major collective freak-out by our endearing underdogs that's only made worse when the deaf kids from Haverbrook tunelessly howl their way through "Don't Stop Believing," much to the teary-eyed delight of the Sectionals audience, so Will, apprised of this turn of events via a series of increasingly frantic cell phone conversations with Emma, convinces a still-pouting Finn to head to the auditorium to see what he can do to help the situation.

Once Finn arrives, everyone quickly agrees to a hastily revised set list that includes "Don't Rain On My Parade" from Funny Girl, "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones, and a version of "Somebody To Love" that we don't get to see. International Recording Artist Eve And Her Ridiculously Crappy Wig, feeling guilty about accepting the McKinley set list from evil Sue Sylvester, attempts to remove the Jane Addams girls from the competition at the last minute, but the spectacularly unqualified judges -- who include a Carrie Prejean-esque fifth runner-up in the Miss Ohio pageant, a supremely unamused assistant state comptroller who's only there because her boss snagged some last-minute NASCAR tickets, and Sue's erstwhile paramour from the TV station -- have already reached their decision. And they award the trophy to New Directions. Of course.

Meanwhile, Will leaves Terri for good, Ken strands Emma at the altar, Emma announces she's leaving McKinley, Figgins fires Sue over the leaked set lists, and the eleven o'clock number is a version of Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" that incorporates bits of choreography from just about every single number they've performed thus far this season. And in the end, Will chases after Emma to plant a sloppy wet one on her lips. How does she react? You'll have to wait until April to find out. Suckers!