"I know!" Single-T Tina agrees into a cell phone of her own, despite the fact that she and Mercedes are strolling along right next to each other. "It's really freaking me out!" Single-T Tina adds before instructing Mercedes to hold up, as Artie's buzzing in. Single-T Tina switches to a party line just as the screen splits all "Telephone Hour" to include Wheels on the right, from which he squeaks, "Dudes, this is serious -- if she finds out, she's gonna tell Finn! She's a total trout mouth!" Single-T Tina passes her phone to the just-appearing Kurt, and the screen splits again to push Mercedes down into a frame of her own as Kurt smirks, "I say we lock Rachel up until after Sectionals -- I volunteer my basement!" Mercedes argues that they can't, as they need Rachel to sing, and barely has Kurt damned Rachel's talent straight to Hell when the screen splits again to accommodate Brittney and Santana Lopez, ringing in from somewhere else. "We just heard," Santana Lopez fumes. "Who told?" "We assumed it was you," Artie snips with a slight roll of his eyes, and throughout the remainder of this exchange, the four frames keep whizzing around in various configurations on the screen, so you'll forgive me if I miss some of the hysterical reaction shots during the conversation that follows, though I'll say it right now: Everyone in this entire sequence freaking rocks. In any event, Santana Lopez sneers, "Why would I do that?" "To get back at Puck," Kurt reasons. "Aren't you guys dating?" Santana Lopez schools him thusly: "Sex is not dating." "If it were," Brittney blurts, "Santana and I would be dating." Pause. During which Santana Lopez looks both horrified and guilty, Brittney looks clueless, Artie looks vaguely intrigued, Mercedes and Single-T Tina look extremely uncomfortable, and Kurt arches a brow and gazes heavenward all, "A-ha!" while the entire audience screams, "WHAT?!?!?!!" and lunges for the remote to rewind. HA! And when the moment has passed, Santana Lopez pulls it back together to retort, "Look, I don't want to rock the boat -- since Quinn got pregnant, I'm top dog around here." Mercedes suddenly hisses for everyone to shut up, as the subject of this impromptu electronically enhanced non-kaffee kaffeeklatch happens to be passing by at this very moment. "Hey, hot mama!" Mercedes calls out to Rachel, flashing her teeth and her bling and her faux joviality until Rachel's out of earshot, after which Mercedes drops the affable act just as quickly as she'd assumed it to grunt, "Look, I know I screwed up telling all you guys about Quinn and Puck, and I feel really terrible about it, but we cannot let Rachel figure this out -- if she tells Finn, he's going to flip!" "And then we really have no chance at Sectionals," Kurt concludes, because his secret love has apparently deafened him to the fact that Finn's singing sucks. Title card.
Episode Report CardDemian: A- | 3061 USERS: B+
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