Glee

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Tensies For Menses

With that, Gwyneth Paltrow turns to the assembled members of the McKinley High Jazz Ensemble and shouts, "Hit it!" immediately propelling herself into a full-throated and fully choreographed rendition of Joan Jett's "Do You Wanna Touch" that quickly has everyone in New Directions -- yes, even the two frigid naïfs up in the cheap seats -- prancing around the floor while whipping their hair. At one point, Brittany leaps atop Tinkles's piano to pull a Tawny Kitaen and, despite some initial misgivings, even Mr. Schue allows himself to bop along on the sidelines. What this is teaching any of them about sexual intercourse, I haven't the faintest idea, but I must admit, it is terribly fun to watch. And in the end, just when she's got the kiddies all pumped up, Gwyneth lays the following choice bit of science on their collective behind: "Just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random." Commercials.

The Lima Bean. Kurt and Dreamboat Blaine step into the frame to chit-chat about Joan Armatrading, but that's not important right now because what is important right now is the fact that none other than Sue Sylvester herself has sneaked up behind them to coo, "Well, if it isn't my sweet, sweet Porcelain!" Sue of course initially claims she's just there to pick up some coffee -- she prefers her "enemas piping hot," don't you know -- but she soon drops that flimsy bit of subterfuge to admit she's actually there in the "spirit of fellowship." Basically, she still longs to screw New Directions over at Regionals, and to that end, she proposes an alliance between Aural Intensity and The Dalton Academy Swallows to "out-sexy" McKinley High's Glee Club. No, it doesn't make any sense, and no, we won't be seeing anything remotely sexy from any of the groups in competition next week, and no, Kurt would never agree to assist Sue Sylvester in any way in the first place, so just take this entire scenelet as an excuse to watch Jane Lynch dump ungodly amounts of Sweet'N Low and vanilla extract into her coffee cup, and smile. Next!

McKinley Teachers' Lounge. Emma storms in from the hall to lambaste Will over Gwyneth Paltrow's supposedly inappropriate lesson the previous afternoon, but Will quickly defuses the situation by suggesting Emma and The Celibacy Club present a counter to Gwyneth's presentation in song. Emma's instantly mollified and announces, "I look forward to the opportunity to nail her to the wall." Coach Beiste, who'd been sitting silently at Will's side through all this, nearly chokes on her chicken at that, and a mortified Emma's forced to splutter, "You know what I mean!" as she flounces back off from whence she came.

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Glee

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