Anyway, here we go with the long denouement, most of which I'll be skimming past, mainly because most of it involves reactions to tonight's primary storyline, and we all know they're going to start ignoring every single one of The Incident's possible ramifications the instant this episode ends.
First up are Dreamboat Blaine and Single-T Tina, who cry and hug and profess their undying love for one another before skipping off hand-in-hand towards their next wacky adventure.
Next up, Pretty Kitty swears she's not New Finn's Mysterious Internet Correspondent, mainly because she's "not into guys who look like life-size cartoon wieners." "Now excuse me," she adds, "because just thinking about me and you dating makes me drier than the cast of Hot in Cleveland." Ew! Hee! Ew! Hee! Ew! Good one, Kitty. I guess I can forgive you for not shutting off that fucking metronome when you had the chance. Just don't let it happen again, okay?
Once she disappears down the hallway, New Finn and New Puck consider and reject the other Glee Gals as possible candidates for New Finn's Mysterious Internet Correspondent -- New Finn himself notes that Not-So-Unique's ringtone is "Bootylicious," before adding that Single-T Tina and Sugar Motta are out because they weren't even in the room at the time -- but it doesn't really matter because he's going to meet whomever it is later that afternoon, anyway. Except for the part where he won't actually meet whomever it is later that afternoon because Not-So-Unique's going to get cold feet, and do you really not know that people can have multiple ringtones on their phones, infant? God, teenagers suck.
Up in the library, Will shows Beiste the online dating profile he's set up for her as a way of expressing his gratitude for everything she's done for him over the years because Will Schuester is an asshole. Beiste's first match? Ken Tanaka. D'OH!
Elsewhere, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen and Brittany hug and schmoop until he unzips his gym bag to present her with a companion feline for Lord Tubbington. "I made sure to get a fat one at the shelter so Lord Tubbington doesn't feel self-conscious," Lady Lips notes. Brit-Brit coos and fusses over Lady Tubbington for a little bit before wondering, "How long was she in there for?" "A while," Lady Lips reluctantly admits. You'll want to remember that.
And shortly after we've returned from this evening's final commercial break to watch as Sue packs up her office, Will arrives to sigh and frown and wonder what went wrong. I think we can all agree that Will's question would best be answered by an appropriate...