Music Room. We swing in from the hall to find Brittany admitting she's rather surprised "Jesus Christ Superstar has chosen to end the world this way," instead of opting for "a global yeast infection" like He did with the dinosaurs. Not-So-Unique pointedly wonders if God will allow her to be a girl-angel in Heaven, which leads to a bit of babbling from Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen regarding angel sex until Mr. Schue arrives with this week's assignment. Drawing inspiration from Brittany's ridiculous assertion that they're all going to get splattered, and dredging up references to his rocky relationship with Miss Pillsbury, he encourages the children to "say everything [they] need to say to the people [they] love," because "there is nothing worse than unfinished business" with one's nearest and dearest. "Bruce Springsteen always says that he plays every show as if it's his last," Mr. Schue claims, "and that is the kind of urgency we need at Regionals this year!" To that end, he hops up from his chair to scrawl "Last Chance" on the whiteboard and encourages the children to "get in touch with what it feels like" to sing one final song to each other. And for a single hot second, I get all excited over the possibility that one of these dolts will totally misinterpret the assignment and perform this bit of fabulousness, but then I remember I already know which songs they'll be slaughtering this evening because I spoiled myself as far as that goes days ago, so I lapse back into being bored by it all. Sigh.
And as the kiddies dart off in different directions toward their next classes, New Finn races up behind New Puck to dude as follows: "Duuuuuude! I saw her! She goes here! I can't believe the coincidence!" I can, but I think I'm getting ahead of myself, here. New Puck, of course, has not a clue what New Finn's yammering about, so New Finn explains about his online flirtation with a bottle-blonde avatar before excitedly adding that just this morning...!
Smear to just this morning, where we find New Finn groaning in agony over an essay test on George Orwell's 1984 -- not because he's dyslexic and thus doomed to fail any exam that requires him to write for forty-five or fifty minutes straight, but rather because he's expected to discuss a dystopian future when "the book's set, like, thirteen years before [he] was even born," and New Finn can shut his infantile mouth right the hell up, right the hell now -- and where the hell was I, again? Oh, yeah: New Finn labors over his test for a bit until The Platters kick in on the soundtrack with their 1956 hit "One In A Million," which is New Finn's cue to look up and catch the eye of his bottle-blonde Internet sweetheart, who's just now strolling past the open classroom door. Everything grinds down into supposedly romantic slow motion as Blondie smiles at New Finn and New Finn smiles at Blondie, and he'd hop from his seat to chase after her were it not for the forbidding presence of Coach Beiste, who's proctoring his English exam for whatever dumbass reason, and...!