Shooting Star

Episode Report Card
admin: F | 7 USERS: D+
"An Hour Later, The Cops Arrived..."

Elsewhere, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen's chivalry chip has apparently never stopped bleeping this entire time, for he now hauls himself from the linoleum to hurl himself at the Schue-and-Beiste-shaped barricade now blocking the exit. The adults physically restrain him, of course, and Coach Beiste takes a few moments to talk the troubled teen back from the edge before they both plonk him beneath the piano again.

Over in the cafeteria kitchen, hundreds -- nay, thousands -- of tater tots lie dead on the floor.

And Brittany's still hiding in The Novak.

And now it's New Finn's turn to scuttle across the choir room floor for some incomprehensible reason, leaving Pretty Kitty and His Secret Internet Lover all by their lonesome beneath the exterior windows so he might...muscle a space for himself next to Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel? That's it? And you left that FUCKING METRONOME going while you were at it? Whatever, duuuuuude.

Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, Single-T Tina pleads with The Maharishi to be allowed back inside so she might, um...rescue her fellow Glee Clubbers from the semiautomatic-wielding madman now rampaging through the halls? I guess. Naturally, The Maharishi tells her to shut the hell up.

Back in the choir room, Artie earns my eternal enmity by switching on his camera phone to record his fellow students' collective nervous breakdown. Dreamboat Blaine correctly tells Artie to fuck right off with that intrusive bullshit, but New Finn, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel and New Puck are only too happy to take Artie up on his offer, and I wish I could tell you what they had to say to whomever they decided to address, but unfortunately, I had to fast-forward past all of that garbage so I wouldn't end up slamming my foot through the television set.

Meanwhile, Brittany's still hiding in The Novak. The external door noisily squeaks open, so I guess she didn't lock it after all, and someone slowly and deliberately enters the room to pass stall after stall after stall after stall until that someone is standing directly in front of Brittany's. The poor girl's practically piddling herself with fear when Mr. Schue finally calls out her name, and as she rushes out to wrap him up in a tight hug, weeping with relief, I realize I should find this moment terribly effective and moving -- after all, Heather Morris is selling the hell out of it -- but think about it: What a shitty fucking thing for Mr. Schue to do to her! I mean, yeah, yeah, fine -- they built the tension up a little higher by not having him speak until he was halfway through the bathroom, thereby making the release of that tension all the more satisfying for various members of the audience -- but if you look at it from her perspective, he's a total fucking asshole. He couldn't have whispered her name as soon as he opened the external door? He had to stalk across all those tiles first, like he was hunting her down? GOD, Will sucks.

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