Sigh. It's finally here. New episodes of Glee, after a long summer of videos, singles, and Hot Topics appearances. (Which, by the way, happened while I had to work. So unfair!)
So, what happened this week? Well, Terri (aided by her sister) convince Will that if they're going to have a baby, they really need a new house. Because she just can't live without the grand foyer, he takes a second job as the school's night time janitor. This results in some sexy flirting time with Emma, who just can't resist the sight of a man scraping gum off the bottom of a desk. However, she realizes just how wrong it was to be pursuing a married man with a baby on the way, and agrees to go to Tulipalooza with Coach Ken.
In a parallel development, Rachel is smitten with Finn. On Emma's advice, she decides to find a common interest with him, and joins the Celibacy Club. That lasts for one whole meeting, at the end of which she tells the boys the big secret that girls want sex just as much as boys do. Finn decides that perhaps the non-celibacy club would be more fun to join, and ends up kissing Rachel during a private rehearsal. Unfortunately, he has a little accident of the non-automotive variety, and runs away, embarrassed, after making her promise not to tell anyone about the kissing.
On the Glee Club front, Sue reminds Will that in order to compete at regionals, the club must have twelve members. In order to attract new recruits, he decides that the club should perform "Freak Out" at a pep rally. Rachel recognizes that disco is lame, and her experience with the Celibacy Club also helps her see that the kids are all secretly desperate for some sexy time, so she secretly arranges for the gleesters to perform a smoking hot rendition of "Push It." The result is a standing ovation, new restrictions on what the club can perform, and a decision by Quinn and two unnamed Cheerios to join Glee so that they can keep an eye on Rachel and Finn.
Before everything is over, Terri discovers that she was just having a hysterical pregnancy. But she can't bring herself to tell Will that, and instead lies to him that she's having a boy. But she does tell him that he can quit his janitorial job because she's decided they can raise their (fictitious) baby in their current apartment.
Also, Sue is as hysterically, insanely funny as you would expect. And Emma wears a number of delightful outfits.
Previously, on Glee: SQUEEEEEEE!!!
Will drives his broken-down humpty-mobile into the school parking lot, muffler trailing on the ground. Someone should tell him that he could use a clothes hanger to keep that from happening. (Look at me, I'm an automotive genius!) Some Vegas-y big band music plays as he walks through the parking lot, past all the kids arriving at school. Rachel, pulling a hot pink rolling suitcase along behind her, tells him that she's found a ton of songs for the Glee Club to sing, all of which feature her on lead vocals. Finn walks up to them and offers to take her bag. She thanks him for being so chivalrous. Finn: "Thanks. That's a good thing, right?" Aw, I forgot how special needs Finn could be. As Rachel and Finn walk away, Mercedes, Tina and Artie join Mr. Schue and sing a little riff. Then he walks past Kurt, hanging out by the dumpster with his best buds from the football team. Puck has his arm around Kurt's shoulder. I'd be jealous, but I know that Puck only has eyes for me (whatever that skank Demian might claim). As Will leaves them behind, Puck and company prepare to throw Kurt into the dumpster. He tells them to wait and then passes his valise off to some waiting Neanderthal. Kurt: "One day, you will all work for me." And then you'll fire them, and give their jobs to robots. Good plan, Kurt -- it shows some foresight. They deposit him into the dumpster. On the plus side, at least he doesn't have to worry that anyone is throwing their half-drunk slushie into the trash -- those get saved up for throwing in Rachel's face.
Will walks along an outdoor corridor. (Which, by the way, don't exist at high schools in the snowy northeast.) Some douchey kid plays guitar while Emma lies in wait. As soon as Will approaches, she turns around the corner and conveniently bumps into him. He thanks her for her advice of the previous episode. (You remember, the advice that ensured there was a show for us to continue watching.) She awkwardly reminds him (and us) that she's a guidance counselor, then comments on the fact that they're wearing the same shade of blue. Quinn and an unnamed Latina Cheerio walk by. Unnamed Latina Cheerio: "Get a room." Quinn tells Will that Ms. Sylvester would like to see him in her office.
Will enters Sue's office, where she's blasting her hammies on the elliptical. She offers him an iron tablet: "Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating." Will: "I don't menstruate." Sue: "Yeah? Neither do I." Sue tells him that she's learned that if Glee Club doesn't place at the Regionals, the club will be disbanded. Will thinks the club will do just find, but she informs him that while she was at the local library, reading Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics, she checked out the official show choir rule book, which contains the juicy fact that a club needs 12 members to compete at Regionals. He only has six kids (or five-and-a-half, in Sue's worldview), and she doesn't think anyone outside of the special ed classes will "want to swim over to your Island of Misfit Toys." If you tell kids that they'll get to be cowboys who ride ostriches, a whole bunch of them would sign up. Will asks if Sue is threatening him. I think it's more on the order of "predicting his downfall," but Sue tells him that she's just offering him a chance to compromise himself. She tells him that it's clear that he wants to be creative and in the spotlight: "Face it, you want to be me." Oh, Sue, we all want to be you. Sue tells him that she'll give him the chance to exercise his desire for creativity and fame by letting him be her second assistant coach (which means fetching sports drinks and laundering her soiled undergarments). Will respectfully declines, as tempting as that offer sounds. (By the way, I left out at least three very funny lines from Sue in that scene -- I'm not running a transcription service here, people.)