Glee

Episode Report Card
LTG: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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'PE' Doesn't Stand For 'Phys Ed'

At Finn's locker, Quinn berates him for jeopardizing their chance at being homecoming court royalty by joining the losers on the Glee Club. At her own locker five feet away, Rachel listens in on this conversation. Quinn offers a deal -- if Finn will give up Glee, she'll let him touch her breasts. But she insists on under the shirt, over the bra, so he declines. Should have offered him some nip there, Quinn -- you really need to learn how to negotiate. Quinn reveals that she's not just worried about the potential loss of social standing. Now that Finn is in Glee, everyone thinks he's gay, which makes her his "big gay beard." Finn leaves, and Quinn busts Rachel on the eavesdropping. Quinn: "Time for some girl talk, man hands." She tells Rachel that however much she dances and sings with Finn, she'll never have him, because he belongs to Quinn. Rachel claims that, despite any connection she's made with Finn, her own sense of honor would prevent her from making a move. Plus, she's way too busy with all the suitors knocking at her door. "Every day, Glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it." And then Puck throws a slushie in her face. Followed by a second slushie from some other football player. These slushies are bright blue-- what is that, anti-freeze flavor? [I believe that's Blue Raspberry? You need to hang out in more gas stations. - Zach]

Cut to the Glee Club rehearsal of "Le Freak" by Chic (often erroneously called, including by me, "Freak Out"). Notwithstanding the fact that it's a crap song, they're giving it their all. Until the moment that Rachel nearly high kicks Mercedes in the face, at which point Mercedes stops rehearsal in order to offer to cut Rachel. She also uses her sassy black girl rage to tell Will that the song is terrible. He thinks they just need to get into it, but they disagree. Kurt: "No, it's the song. It's really gay." Will tells them that there's no time to change the song, since they are performing it that Friday at the school assembly. Kurt: "They're gonna throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial." Rachel: "I'll press charges if that happens." Will reassures them that they have nothing to worry about, as the Glee Club won nationals in 1993 with that song. It's exactly what they need to attract more recruits. Finn is certain that singing the song in front of the school will lead to his imminent death.

Cut to a tiny model of a suburban temple of tastelessness, complete with SUV in the driveway and tiny family with a baby and spaniel on the front steps. Will: "My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I'm not sure what he meant by that, since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with mom." Well, Will, I think that he clearly meant that becoming a man is a trap that leads to nothing but misery and death. Terri and Will are sitting in a model home while a realtor welcomes them to their own little slice of the American Dream. Does that slice come with ice cream? Terri has a question about the trees: "It's always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees will we have in the back yard? And do they come in different colors, because well, obviously, we're expecting a family, and I have a real sense that it might be a girl..." I cannot tell you how much I love Terri's sheer insanity. She's not just selfish -- she's living in some kind of child's view of life, where you grow your own candy-colored Christmas trees. I want to live in her head. Will's voice-over tells us that he can't understand how the decision to buy a house happened so quickly.

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Glee

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