Previously, on Glee: SQUEEEEEEE!!!
Will drives his broken-down humpty-mobile into the school parking lot, muffler trailing on the ground. Someone should tell him that he could use a clothes hanger to keep that from happening. (Look at me, I'm an automotive genius!) Some Vegas-y big band music plays as he walks through the parking lot, past all the kids arriving at school. Rachel, pulling a hot pink rolling suitcase along behind her, tells him that she's found a ton of songs for the Glee Club to sing, all of which feature her on lead vocals. Finn walks up to them and offers to take her bag. She thanks him for being so chivalrous. Finn: "Thanks. That's a good thing, right?" Aw, I forgot how special needs Finn could be. As Rachel and Finn walk away, Mercedes, Tina and Artie join Mr. Schue and sing a little riff. Then he walks past Kurt, hanging out by the dumpster with his best buds from the football team. Puck has his arm around Kurt's shoulder. I'd be jealous, but I know that Puck only has eyes for me (whatever that skank Demian might claim). As Will leaves them behind, Puck and company prepare to throw Kurt into the dumpster. He tells them to wait and then passes his valise off to some waiting Neanderthal. Kurt: "One day, you will all work for me." And then you'll fire them, and give their jobs to robots. Good plan, Kurt -- it shows some foresight. They deposit him into the dumpster. On the plus side, at least he doesn't have to worry that anyone is throwing their half-drunk slushie into the trash -- those get saved up for throwing in Rachel's face.
Will walks along an outdoor corridor. (Which, by the way, don't exist at high schools in the snowy northeast.) Some douchey kid plays guitar while Emma lies in wait. As soon as Will approaches, she turns around the corner and conveniently bumps into him. He thanks her for her advice of the previous episode. (You remember, the advice that ensured there was a show for us to continue watching.) She awkwardly reminds him (and us) that she's a guidance counselor, then comments on the fact that they're wearing the same shade of blue. Quinn and an unnamed Latina Cheerio walk by. Unnamed Latina Cheerio: "Get a room." Quinn tells Will that Ms. Sylvester would like to see him in her office.
Will enters Sue's office, where she's blasting her hammies on the elliptical. She offers him an iron tablet: "Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating." Will: "I don't menstruate." Sue: "Yeah? Neither do I." Sue tells him that she's learned that if Glee Club doesn't place at the Regionals, the club will be disbanded. Will thinks the club will do just find, but she informs him that while she was at the local library, reading Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics, she checked out the official show choir rule book, which contains the juicy fact that a club needs 12 members to compete at Regionals. He only has six kids (or five-and-a-half, in Sue's worldview), and she doesn't think anyone outside of the special ed classes will "want to swim over to your Island of Misfit Toys." If you tell kids that they'll get to be cowboys who ride ostriches, a whole bunch of them would sign up. Will asks if Sue is threatening him. I think it's more on the order of "predicting his downfall," but Sue tells him that she's just offering him a chance to compromise himself. She tells him that it's clear that he wants to be creative and in the spotlight: "Face it, you want to be me." Oh, Sue, we all want to be you. Sue tells him that she'll give him the chance to exercise his desire for creativity and fame by letting him be her second assistant coach (which means fetching sports drinks and laundering her soiled undergarments). Will respectfully declines, as tempting as that offer sounds. (By the way, I left out at least three very funny lines from Sue in that scene -- I'm not running a transcription service here, people.)