Music room. A clearly exhausted Finn tells the assembled kids that he kissed every girl in the school and raised $324. Which means there are only around 700 kids at this school? It seemed larger than that to me. Maybe he deducted the cost of the materials to build the kissing booth? Will thanks him for his efforts, noting that he's raised enough to pay for half a plane ticket to Nationals. Santana notices how tired he is, and glances over to see that Quinn is also looking pretty peaked. Will tells the kids that it's time to hear what Single-T Tina thinks is the world's greatest love song. Tina has selected the Rodgers and Hart standard, "My Funny Valentine," and the performance really stands out. Partly because it's being sung in the room, rather than lip-synced to a studio recording, partly because the only accompaniment is coming from Tinkles, but mostly because after about one verse, Single-T Tina breaks down and starts crying, until she eventually falls to her knees in tears. All because she loves Mike so much she could cry. (See, I told you it was a clue.) And then Finn and Quinn both ask if they can go to the nurse's office because they're both sick. Santana guesses all of their symptoms and diagnoses mono, being sure to point out for the slower members of the club that mono is often called "the kissing disease." She's so pleased with herself as we cut to commercials.
Nurse's office. Quinn and Finn are on neighboring cots. Quinn thinks the fact that when she cheats she either gets pregnant or sick is a sign that she should stop cheating. But Finn thinks that Sam likes Quinn enough that he'll believe any story she tells him to excuse the mono. Not to mention the fact that he's dumb as a post. And based on the name that Quinn calls Santana, she knows exactly who's responsible for the mono. The nurse tells them their mothers are on the way, and then Finn tells Quinn that he's not done with the two of them. But Quinn thinks they need to stop messing around until she figures out what's going on with Ladylips and Finn figures out what's going on with Rachel. Despite his denials, she's confident something is going on with Rachel based on the way he looks at her.
Puck gives Lauren the cold shoulder in the hallway, and she asks him what's up his butt. He calls her out on standing him up, and she seems to have genuinely forgotten that they had a date. Puck: "I get it. You've been hurt by guys before. But I'm not like that." Lauren: "First of all, you got a girl pregnant last year, so yeah, you are. And (b), what makes you assume guys treat me badly? I can take care of myself." Puck tells her that it's her toughness and self-reliance that really makes him like her. Lauren confesses that she does like Puck, even though her estimation of his hotness has gone down since she learned he's not mixed-race. But the bottom line is that she's not just looking for someone to fool around with, so if he wants to go out with her, he has to take it slow. Which means that she will go out for dinner on Valentine's Day, but just as friends.