Cut to Santana walking down the hallway in a stripper version of a hospital candy striper outfit, complete with teddy bear. She walks into the nurse's office and asks if there's anybody there who needs comfort. The nurse, violating every patient privacy rule known to man, names the student who's behind the curtain with mono, waiting for his mother to pick her up. The nurse warns Santana not to enter the cubicle due to the highly contagious nature of mono. Santana: "Please, I've had mono so many times it turned into stereo." And then she walks into the cubicle and macks on the pimply-faced teenager waiting there. And then she cuts to the head of the kissing booth line and plants a big wet one on Finn. He pulls away, and she tells him, "Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. If I have anything, I hope it's not contagious." And then a befuddled Finn starts kissing more girls, become McKinley High's very own Patient Zero of the mono epidemic of 2011.
Puck is sitting at a table with Lauren. He looks around, dazed and confused, and asks here where she's brought him. Lauren: "It's the library." Puck looks only vaguely comforted by that. Lauren tells him she's confused, since he claims to want to formally ask her out but he's brought neither envelope of cash or muffin basket. I think Lauren is a little confused on the concepts of dating and prostitution. Which makes me wonder what her home life is like. Puck thinks the singing should be enough to seal the deal, but she tells him that the song he sang was offensive. And I'm not going to get into a whole debate about whether "Fat Bottomed Girls" is offensive, but I thought the singing and gyrating were hot enough to make up for any flaw in the lyrics. In any case, Lauren does not think Puck is ready for her jelly, so she stands up to leave, but Puck asks her to please give him a chance by going on a pre-Valentine's Day date with him. If she enjoys herself, she can go on the real date the next night. But he does all this on bended knee while offering her a ring pop. She agrees to meet him at eight.
Auditorium. Quinn enters, late. She apologizes for the delay by telling Finn that she was at church, praying for the strength to stay away. Finn moves in for a kiss, but Quinn pulls back and notes the basic hypocrisy of his position, because she'll be cheating on Ladylips, and thereby doing the thing that Finn seems to think is so unforgivable. Finn tells her that he was hurt by her cheating because it meant she didn't really love him, because you would never cheat on someone you really loved. My apologies to Ladylips -- it really is all teenagers that are stupid. Quinn claims to love Sam, but Finn thinks that if she really did she wouldn't be there. Quinn claims that she at least think she loves Sam, and that she won't break up with him until she's certain one way or the other. But until then, she's happy to make out with Finn. Commercials.