Artie wheels past the now-inescapable astronomy classroom and sees Brit-Brit standing in the corner of the empty room, looking forlorn in the dark. He asks her what she's doing there, noting that he's been looking for her all day. Brit: "I'm paralyzed with fear. I've been here since second period. I really, really have to pee." It turns out that, notwithstanding the fact that Britney Spears taught her that she's more talented than the rest of the Glee Clubbers put together, Brit-Brit is still scared to have their entire future resting on her shoulders. Artie tries to reassure her that she can totally do it. Brit: "And I know that I can't. Just like I know that cricket that reads to me at night is totally stealing my jewelry." Jiminy's getting kind of thug, y'all. And then Artie gives her his magic comb, which he says ensures that whoever combs his or her hair with it can not fail. And Brit declares him the best boyfriend ever. Commercials.

Will's office. Puck declares that he is innocent of stealing any soda machine or other vending-related apparatus. Will pretends to ignore him and then calls on him, as the most well-known kid in the school, to recruit a twelfth member of the team so they can compete at Sectionals. Will wants him to be Glee's ambassador. Puck's willing to do it, but only if he can call himself the ambadassador.

Cut to the amazing rotunda of Dalton. Where do they film this shit? The Christian Science mother church in Boston? Anyway, Kurt is swanning down the grand staircase when Blaine runs to catch up with him. It turns out Blaine noticed that Kurt was feeling a little oppressed by the crushing machine of conformity that is the Warblers, and he's there to offer him a reward for not fighting back against said crushing machine -- a chance to audition for a solo at Sectionals. Kurt's happy. Whereas I'm sad, because I just noticed that his jaunty rhinoceros is gone. Aren't rhinos endangered enough without the crushing machine of conformity coming after them?

Crowded locker room. Puck climbs on top of a bench and calls for attention. To Azimio's dismay, he's not up there to light his farts on fire -- he's there to recruit for Glee Club, by calling on the jocks to all think of themselves as potential Springsteens, escaping blue-collar life through the power of music. Although Puck has a glorious moment of telling Karofsky to shut up as penance for chasing Kurt away, his mission is a failure, as the rest of the jocks dogpile on top of him. And not in a sexy way.