Episode Report Card
LTG: B+ | Grade It Now!
Don't Cry for Glee, Artie and Tina

Auditorium stage. Rachel is noodling on the piano when Kurt enters. He's still wearing his uniform. Does Dalton force its students to burn all their other clothes when they enroll? Kurt greets Rachel, and she tells him it's not worth trying to spy on her since she has no solos that he can steal for Sectionals. But he's actually there to ask for her help preparing his audition piece. She wonders why she should help him. Cannily, he knows that the way to her heart is through her ego, and he butters her up with some praise: "No one knows how to kill a ballad quite like you. You are as brilliant and talented as you are irritating." Since helping him might be her only chance to sing this week, she agrees to give him some tips. He tells her he plans to sing "My Heart Will Go On" (which I won't even link to, that's how gross I find it), and she nixes the idea. She thinks he needs to sing something more personal.

Rachel: "Do you ever fantasize about your own funeral?" Kurt doesn't, although he doesn't tell her whether he ever fantasizes about her funeral. Of course, Rachel imagines her funeral all the time, since she looks on a grieving mob of family and friends as the height of achievement. She tells him there's only one song that expresses the feelings associated with people finally appreciating you after it's too late to matter. She's certain it must be on his iPod, and she's right. And then she starts singing "Don't Cry For Me Argentina." After a few lines, we cut to Kurt singing it in the Warblers' music room. The show cuts back and forth between the two of them singing the song. Blaine is watching Kurt with fairly undisguised longing (in my view), although there's a nice moment when he signals Kurt to avoid the Madonna-arms. Unlike Kurt, Rachel is free to indulge her most dramatic tendencies, so she soon starts singing the song from a balcony in the auditorium, no doubt imagining the cheering throngs of peasants in the square below. On a totally serious note, I think this duet, compared with the similar duet they did on "Defying Gravity," demonstrates how much Chris Colfer has really matured as a singer over the last year. He sounds amazing. It's totally worth downloading the complete song for your iPod. They finish the song together, and the Warblers applaud for Kurt.

In the lavishly appointed hallway at Dalton, Kurt waits with two other Warblers for the verdict. He asks them how many times they've each auditioned for solos -- it's three and six, respectively. And then Blaine emerges from the Council chamber to tell the other two boys that they've moved on to the next round. Kurt looks kind of gobsmacked. But that's because he thinks the audition is about talent, when I suspect it's really about paying your dues and waiting your turn. Because the Warblers are like the fucking Politburo. The other two boys leave, and Kurt asks Blaine for any tips for his next audition. Blaine basically tells him not to try so hard, and that he has to work harder to fit in and be part of the team. In other words, to submit to the crushing machine of conformity and give up everything that makes him special. Blaine promises Kurt that it won't be long before he fits in. I guess it takes a few days for the mind control drugs in the water fountain to take effect.

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