In another corner of the stage, Puck finds Lauren Tuna pounding out some pushups. She explains that as a wrestler, pushups are how she gets psyched up for competition. He tells her not to be nervous, because he's got her back. Lauren: "I'm not nervous. You know why? Because show choir is stupid." And on that note, it's time for the announcer to introduce Nude Erections.
Quinn and Sam make goo-goo eyes at each other, and he tells her she looks beautiful. And then he emerges from the back of the auditorium. Because there are some things Will just can't bring himself to change. Sam starts singing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life," and is soon joined by Quinn. And they're okay, but it's not a great song, and their voices are both a little too small to fill the space. They hit the stage, and the curtain comes up on the rest of the club, showing off their dance moves. Kurt leads the standing O for that song. And then Santana starts singing lead on the Zutons' "Valerie." She's fantastic, and Mike and Brit do some amazing, really acrobatic dancing. The standing O for this performance is totally spontaneous. Commercials.
So, even though we only saw the clubs perform one or two songs, it's now time for judging. Our head judge this year is Associate Director of the Ohio Department of Motor Vehicles, Pete Soznowski. Played by John Candy's slightly younger, slightly thinner, significantly more alive doppelganger. Kurt and Mercedes wave to each other across the stage while Associate Director Soznowski makes some lame jokes about the DMV and becoming an organ donor (which you all should do). The Hipsters win third place, and then the Warblers and New Directions tie for first. Which means they'll both go to Regionals. It's a cop-out, but I'm not going to complain too much if it means we get to see more Blaine.
Emma's office. Will is there to show her the trophy. And then she drops the bomb that over the weekend, Hot Dentist Carl took her to Vegas, where they got married. And he got her a wedding ring with quite a giant rock on it. Will lies and says that he's happy for her, and then leaves.
Finn and Rachel walk down the stairs. She tells him that performing in the background that weekend helped her remember that being part of something special makes you special. And then they agree that they're part of something special, just the two of them, and they make up. But not before promising that there will be no more lies. Which is when Rachel tells Finn she has something to confess...