Sweet Dreams

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: B+
I Should Hate You The Whole Night Through

At that, Frankendrunk comes stumbling in from the hall, and vast is the rejoicing up there in the cheap seats. Together, Mr. Schue and Bloaty The Cocaine Clown vow to devote every single waking moment of their lives over the next several weeks to helping the children "blast through Regionals and earn [their] rightful spot at Nationals," and the room erupts in hoots and hollers and whatnot until Mr. Schue finally tells everyone to simmer down a little bit so that Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel might take the floor. She apologizes profusely by way of response, explaining she's hasn't had the time to learn all of the songs on Mr. Schue's set list, but surprise! Mr. Schue doesn't want her to sing any of his yucky old songs! He wants her to teach them one of her bright shiny new ones instead! "I'd love that!" Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel beams, and high-fives abound until we abruptly cut over to...

...The Improbably Bohemian Loft, where Old Idiot Rachel and St. Gay Of Lima await the inevitable phone call from Amy Aquino and Michael Lerner. "So, what is Broadway daycare, exactly?" St. Gay Of Lima asks, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. "All the show people who have kids?" Old Idiot Rachel explains. "While they're rehearsing or performing, they send them to [Idina Menzel's] studio, and she teaches them, like, dance routines and songs, and plays theater games with them." That sounds gruesome. "It's like Fame for toddlers," Rachel adds, so she apparently agrees with me. The two chit-chat some more about something, but they're just killing time, here, until Rachel's cell starts buzzing. And when it does, she answers to learn she's been called back for Fanny, because of course she's been called back for Fanny. The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway and St. Gay Of Lima start babbling and braying and hopping around their little kitchenette, and as they celebrate, we head back over to...

...The April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, where Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel leads the other children of The New New Directions in a rousing rendition of some piece of written-for-the-episode crap about rainbows, and it fills Mr. Schue with such an overwhelming sense of exuberance and joy that he cartwheels through the prancing kiddies, and is this over yet? Oh, thank God.

Next week, Sarah Jessica Parker returns, so at the very least, we can expect some fabulous couture. Have fun!

Demian thinks a song about barfing would have fit in quite well this evening. You may reach him at

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