Sweet Dreams

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 1 USERS: B+
I Should Hate You The Whole Night Through

McKinley High Teachers' Lounge. Will and Beiste sit at a table, sipping coffee and devouring an entire pie, respectively, as Black Sue blows in to exposit as follows: "Excuse my jet lag -- I'm fresh off a plane from North Korea, where I've been training their swim team with my assistant, Dennis Rodman. I've taken over The Cheerios from that phantom menace, Sue Sylvester -- someone with talent had to! -- and did I also mention that I'm in talks with Miss Oprah Winfrey to launch my very own Cheerios network? Like George Jefferson, I'm movin' on up!" Got all that? Good. Once she's done thus explaining her presence in this episode, Black Sue thinks to ask of Will, "How is your delicate group of weirdoes? Are they still rattled by that fake school shooting?" "That was a terrifying experience for those kids!" Will huffily sniffs, all outraged at Black Sue's dismissive demeanor and such. "And the adults," Beiste hastens to add. "I'm still having nightmares!" she claims. "Honey, please!" Black Sue retorts. "I'm a child of the ghetto -- I can't sleep at night unless I hear at least two gunshots!" And as I can't even begin to deal with so much concentrated stupidity in one place at the moment, I'll simply wave bye-bye for now as Black Sue sweeps grandly from the frame, and turn my focus back onto Will and The Beiste instead.

Or not, mainly because the first words out of Beiste's mouth have to do with that asinine feud that cropped up between Will and Frankendrunk a few weeks ago. Heedless of my distaste for the storyline, Beiste plows ahead with a plea for Will to patch things up with his former student lest the squirrels escape, or the grizzlies start scrapping in the Arctic, or whatever, and after she's imparted her words of questionable wisdom, Beiste exits to let Will stew in a great big puddle of his own dumb.

Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel wanders between the lockers in slow motion, babbling via a voiceover of her very own about a bunch of song lyrics she's been scribbling in a notebook, which of course means we'll be subjected to a series of banal and utterly forgettable "original" "tunes" from the kiddies before the night is over. Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel now fancies herself a singer-songwriter, you see, along the lines of "Joni Mitchell, Norah Jones, and Chrissie Hynde," and no, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel is not at all like any of those women at all, but I suspect I didn't need to point that out to you. In any event, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel's adolescent delusions of grandeur don't really much matter at the moment, as Her Voiceover's already segued into a discussion of how The Incident has left her peers rattled and confused, "like they've all got PTSD." Brit-Brit, for example, is "acting weird because MIT found out about her SAT score, and they're pressuring her for early commitment." "They really want me to study string theory," Brittany tells Single-T Tina as Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel approaches the choir room, "but I'm not all that interested in arts and crafts." "Isn't MIT in Europe?" Tina frowns. "That would suck!" Single-T Tina, incidentally, has abandoned the adorable little Mary Quant-inspired vintage-y knockoffs she's been sporting as of late in favor of a look she's quite insistent upon calling "Steampunk," so we all know she's off her frigging rocker as well.

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