University Of Lima. Frankendrunk answers his cell to find Old Idiot Rachel on the other end, and after she thanks him for beating up her filthy whore of an ex-boyfriend, she wonders what he thinks she should sing for her Funny Girl audition. Because he's the expert all of a sudden. "Do something that takes you back to the roots of your passion," Bloaty The Cocaine Clown replies. "Make those producers fall in love with you in that moment on the stage," he continues before adding an awfully encouraging, "I know you have it in you." And with her ego thus sufficiently inflated, The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway thanks him for his excellent advice, promises to let him know how it goes, and hangs up.
Funny Girl Cattle Call. Amy Aquino and Michael Lerner spend several seconds despising themselves for their recent choices in life before they summon Old Idiot Rachel to the stage. The soundtrack pulls this arty little effects thing wherein the clonking of Rachel's hideously expensive pumps mimics the nervous pounding of her heart, and after she hands her sheet music to the accompanist, Rachel finds her light and introduces herself to this evening's special guest judges. Or, you know, the producers of the revival. Whatever. The pianist gives us a few bars of the familiar "Don't Stop Believin'" introductory vamp, and with little further ado, Rachel launches herself into the song proper. She makes it through a few lines all by herself before conjuring some imaginary backup in the form of The Famous Original Glee Gang in their famous original costumes, and what follows is a close recreation of their famous original performance in the show's pilot episode. It's nice and everything, but let's face it: This was so much better the first time around.
And when it's over, and when Rachel's stress-induced hallucinations have vanished from the stage, frosty Amy Aquino seems ready to dismiss her with nary a second thought. Thank goodness, then, for the especially perceptive Michael Lerner, who leans forward to ask, "Suddenly, something happened to you in the middle of the song -- what was going on, there?" "I was thinking about my friends," Rachel replies, "how I wouldn't be the person I am today, standing in front of you, doing what I'm doing right now, if they hadn't shown me that I could." Everyone takes a moment or two to let that absolutely profound statement sink in, after which Amy Aquino thanks Old Idiot Rachel for her time, and we plunge precipitously into this evening's next commercial break.