Glee
Thanksgiving

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In Which We Give Thanks That New Rachel Is Dead

In any event, with all that out of the way, the two get to chatting about their holiday plans, and wouldn't you know it? Dean Geyer's stuck in the city all by his lonesome that weekend, too! What are the odds? He offers to head out to my ancestral homeland to cook dinner for The Horrible Hooker and St. Gay Of Lima, supposedly because he knows what a lousy chef she is, but probably to get into her too-tight pants now that she's single again. Old Idiot Rachel eagerly agrees to the plan.

Meanwhile, back in Ohio, Old Puck offers New Puck a brief but sweet bit of relationship advice: "Bros before hos!" Lovely. "It was always my mantra in high school," Old Puck goes on to claim before giving that statement a moment of careful consideration, after which he admits, "Well, it was, after I knocked up my best friend's girlfriend." Atta boy.

And in a cleansing burst of synchronicity, the best friend's girlfriend Old Puck knocked up materializes at that very instant before their very eyes to place a finger on New Puck's cuddly chest and warn, "Back off of [Boring New Idiot Rachel]." New Puck's all, "Excuse me?" so Old Puck steps in to handle the situation, and it goes about as well as one would expect given the fraught history and overladen emotional baggage the two Olds share with each other. Eventually, an exasperated Old Puck blurts, "I think you're being a little out of line, here!" Old Quinn blithely saunters past the two of them, spins on her expensively-shod heel, and strikes a pose to chide, "The only way you're gonna win at Sectionals is if [Boring New Idiot Rachel] is at her best, and if you keep distracting her? She's not going to be." With that, Old Quinn's pumps click-click-click their way into this evening's next commercial break.

Mode. Even though he's an unpaid intern who's barely out of high school, St. Gay Of Lima's apparently been entrusted to shut down the office at the end of the day, and he accidentally kills the lights in Sarah Jessica Parker's suite, not realizing of course that she decided to work late that evening. The two get to yakking about various upcoming Christmastime movie releases, and Sarah Jessica Parker stupidly mistakes The Paris Uprising Of 1832 for The French Revolution before St. Gay inquires as to her plans for the impending Thanksgiving holiday. "For the last five years," Sarah Jessica Parker sighs, "I always went to Gore Vidal's for dinner and played Pictionary." And if ever there were a moment for a sideways smear to a wacky flashback on this show, this would be it. Unfortunately, the camera remains trained upon Sarah Jessica Parker's face as she mourns, "But you know Gore passed away this year, so I'll probably just get some turkey pizza from Two Boots and recreate my first Thanksgiving in New York." So, Sarah Jessica Parker's a pathetic old hag with no friends? Gotcha. Naturally, St. Gay Of Lima immediately invites her over to my ancestral homeland for "an orphans' dinner," and while the pathetic old hag with no friends doesn't accept his invitation outright in this scene, it's clear she's giving it serious consideration. That poor woman.

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Glee

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