Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Dreamboat Blaine gets a call from St. Gay Of Lima, and there follows a lengthy split-screen conversation between the two during which I become completely distracted by Darren Criss's luxuriant eyelashes, mainly because they're nattering on endlessly about their relationship issues, and since I never gave a shit about their goddamned relationship in the first place, I'll just keep staring at Darren Criss's luxuriant eyelashes until this scene's over.
Fake Drama School In New York. Frankenteen slouches in a far, distant, and hazily-focused corner of some classroom while Idiot Rachel wildly overemotes with her scene partner in the foreground of the shot. Through a voiceover, we learn that Finn's not down with the idea of attending Fake Drama School at all, nor does he feel comfortable with the prospect of living in Bushwick, and his ruminations eventually segue into a duet he shares with Dreamboat Blaine back in Lima of Duncan Sheik's thoroughly depressing "Barely Breathing." The sequence is actually beautifully shot, with lots of gauzy and glamorous close-ups of the gentlemen involved as they slowly realize their respective worlds are crumbling down around their ears, but then Dreamboat Blaine has to conjure up an image of St. Gay dressed like one of the high-kicking chorus girls in Springtime For Hitler, and it just completely throws me out of the moment. In any event, Frankenteen spends most of his time during the number lurking ominously in the background of Idiot Rachel's dance class, but Dreamboat Blaine ends up flirting with a certain "Eli.C" on Facebook via his product-placed iPhone, and when he receives an invitation to head on over to Eli's for a little extracurricular fun, Dreamboat Blaine wastes little time racing out of the high school to go get him some. Atta girl.
My Ancestral Homeland. "I'm not wearing a suit for a night out on the town!" Frankenteen protests. Idiot Rachel and St. Gay, you see, have decided to drag Frankenteen to a showtune bar named "Callbacks" that's quite popular with the gang at Fake Drama School In New York, and I suppose Frankenteen's usual attire is simply not acceptable for so august an establishment. I'm also guessing this means everybody involved has managed to scare up a fake ID, even though Frankenteen doesn't need one, because he's obviously thirty-five years old. In any event, Finn makes some pity-me noises that threaten to bring down the mood in the room, but the sudden and entirely unexpected arrival of Dreamboat Blaine lightens things back up again, and we enter this evening's first commercial break wondering which one of these four people is going to ruin the night for everyone. Hint: It's all of them.