...a decidedly low-rent basic training flashback to find out why: While he was adapting quite nicely to army life, mainly because he's always been "pretty used to getting yelled at," he accidentally discharged his weapon directly into his thigh -- and no, that is not a euphemism for something filthy -- so...
...they kicked him out after only sixteen days in, after which he decided to go hiking through Georgia for "the last couple months," because all you really want to do after shooting yourself in the leg is march around the middle of nowhere for eight weeks, am I right? We've by now of course smeared back to the present, where Frankenteen apologizes for not contacting her sooner, but as he explains, he was far too embarrassed by the whole situation, and he simply couldn't face Idiot Rachel seeing him as "a Lima loser" once again after he had such big plans for making her proud by redeeming his insulting plot device of a dead junkie father, or something like that.
Idiot Rachel immediately assures him that nothing's changed between the two of them and -- ever the cockeyed optimist -- she invites him to accompany her to class at Fake Drama School In New York so they can start working on getting him accepted into the program. Finn gets a hopeful little smile on his face and asks, "You serious?" She perches on what I dearly hope is his good thigh and confesses, "I love it here, but something has always been missing -- I let you go once, and I'm not gonna let it happen again." Yeah, you get back to me on that one in about fifty minutes, hon.
Lair Of The Lopez. Santana has returned from Kentucky for the weekend to catch up on both her laundry and her relationship with Brit-Brit, and as the two ladies fold their way through her mountain of clothes, Santana complains, "I mean, I'm not jealous -- I just think that it's insane that all Porcelain had to do to get an internship with Vogue.com is take photos of every ridiculous outfit he's ever paired with a Cossack hat and a see-through raincoat, and then show up at an interview where he is lauded as a visionary because his jodhpurs happened to match his riding crop!" God, I miss Santana. Apropos of absolutely nothing, Brit-Brit reminds Santana that she, too, could head off to New York to pursue her supposed dreams thanks to all that money she got from Gloria Estefan at the end of last season. Santana counters that, while her schedule's been crazy these last few weeks, she actually enjoys being in college. And besides, she rather suspiciously hastens to add, she likes the idea that she's never more than a few hours away from Brittany. The gals give each other a sweet little peck on the lips at that, after which Brit-Brit lets loose with a jaw-cracking yawn. "You okay?" Santana worries.