The Break Up

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 4 USERS: A-
The Breakup(s)

The wacky background music kicks in as Brit-Brit replies, "Yeah," before going on to explain, "I was up late last night reading Desecration: The Antichrist Takes The Throne," which is "the ninth book in the Left Behind series of apocalyptic Christian novels about The End Times and the rise of The Antichrist, whose name is Nikolae Carpathia -- or Barack Obama, depending on who you ask." Santana really hopes Brit-Brit didn't get that particular reading assignment from Mr. Schue as part of some dunderheaded Christian Music theme this week, and she is only somewhat relieved to discover that Brittany's joined this year's version of last year's God Squad along with Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name I Can't Be Bothered To Look Up, New Quinn, and some random named "Dottie Kazatori," the latter of whom has apparently been acting as Single-T Tina's personal assistant. Brit-Brit invites Santana to the club's next meeting the following afternoon, and for whatever stupid reason, Santana agrees to attend.

Hallowed Halls Of Dear McKinley High. Dreamboat Blaine gets a call from St. Gay Of Lima, and there follows a lengthy split-screen conversation between the two during which I become completely distracted by Darren Criss's luxuriant eyelashes, mainly because they're nattering on endlessly about their relationship issues, and since I never gave a shit about their goddamned relationship in the first place, I'll just keep staring at Darren Criss's luxuriant eyelashes until this scene's over.

Fake Drama School In New York. Frankenteen slouches in a far, distant, and hazily-focused corner of some classroom while Idiot Rachel wildly overemotes with her scene partner in the foreground of the shot. Through a voiceover, we learn that Finn's not down with the idea of attending Fake Drama School at all, nor does he feel comfortable with the prospect of living in Bushwick, and his ruminations eventually segue into a duet he shares with Dreamboat Blaine back in Lima of Duncan Sheik's thoroughly depressing "Barely Breathing." The sequence is actually beautifully shot, with lots of gauzy and glamorous close-ups of the gentlemen involved as they slowly realize their respective worlds are crumbling down around their ears, but then Dreamboat Blaine has to conjure up an image of St. Gay dressed like one of the high-kicking chorus girls in Springtime For Hitler, and it just completely throws me out of the moment. In any event, Frankenteen spends most of his time during the number lurking ominously in the background of Idiot Rachel's dance class, but Dreamboat Blaine ends up flirting with a certain "Eli.C" on Facebook via his product-placed iPhone, and when he receives an invitation to head on over to Eli's for a little extracurricular fun, Dreamboat Blaine wastes little time racing out of the high school to go get him some. Atta girl.

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