My Ancestral Homeland. "I'm not wearing a suit for a night out on the town!" Frankenteen protests. Idiot Rachel and St. Gay, you see, have decided to drag Frankenteen to a showtune bar named "Callbacks" that's quite popular with the gang at Fake Drama School In New York, and I suppose Frankenteen's usual attire is simply not acceptable for so august an establishment. I'm also guessing this means everybody involved has managed to scare up a fake ID, even though Frankenteen doesn't need one, because he's obviously thirty-five years old. In any event, Finn makes some pity-me noises that threaten to bring down the mood in the room, but the sudden and entirely unexpected arrival of Dreamboat Blaine lightens things back up again, and we enter this evening's first commercial break wondering which one of these four people is going to ruin the night for everyone. Hint: It's all of them.
Marie's Crisis. Oh, sorry! Sorry -- we're at "Callbacks," where the evening has already taken a turn for the dire, mainly because "Pasquale" over there at the piano has decided to entertain the crowd with nothing but dirges for whatever strange reason. At a nearby table, Dreamboat Blaine visibly struggles to keep the banter balloon up in the air with St. Gay, while Frankenteen gets harshly and obnoxiously dickish at the bar when Dean Geyer and His Forearms pop up from out of nowhere to make with the nice for the benefit of Idiot Rachel's out-of-town guest. After much unnecessary sniping on Finn's part, Idiot Rachel and Dean Geyer's Forearms head over to the bar's baby grand, where they proceed to offer us what is easily tonight's worst performance, a duet of "Give Your Heart A Break" from noted no-talent cokehead Demi Lovato. Mind you, it's not tonight's worst performance because the two have unexpectedly and inexplicably taken leave of their respective vocal chops for this little number; it's tonight's worst performance because the song sucks.
No one else seems to notice that, though, and Idiot Rachel and Dean Geyer's Forearms receive a warm round of applause afterwards as they make their way back to the gang's table, where a troubled-looking Dreamboat Blaine immediately announces he'd like to sing a song, too. Dean Geyer's Forearms direct Dreamboat Blaine over to the piano, and... Oh, this is sad. And not in the "Holy crap! Why are they violating us with this bullshit?" sort of way we've unfortunately come to expect from this show, but in an actual, honest-to-God miserable, woebegone, brokenhearted, wretched, and deeply unhappy sort of way we haven't seen on Glee in a very long while. Dreamboat Blaine takes a seat at the piano and, after he's settled himself in, he tentatively announces to the room, "Um, hi, everyone. I, um, I wanna sing a song that's very special to me -- this is the song that I sang the first time I ever met the love of my life. Um, so Kurt? This is for you." Idiot Rachel and St. Gay Of Lima kvell over there at their tiny little table, but they're both in for a rude and thoroughly depressing surprise once Dreamboat Blaine launches himself into a stripped-down and emotionally raw rendition of the song that introduced him to all of us. Poor, guilt-stricken Blaine basically suffers an emotional breakdown right there on the stage, nearly bursting into tears at several points, and Kurt's broad, bright smile slowly dies as he realizes Something's Not Quite Right With His Boyfriend. Finn, of all people, is next to understand that something's gone horribly awry, and as he shoots a worried glance in Kurt's direction, Rachel finally figures it all out as well, and she uncomfortably averts her gaze from the stage as she slumps back into Finn's arms. Meanwhile, Dean Geyer's Forearms are just lounging around in the background of the shot all, "Jesus Christ, you people are fucked up. Why the hell are we hanging out with all of you, again?" And in the end, St. Gay clutches at his imaginary pearls, all stricken and watery-eyed and such, as Dreamboat Blaine somehow manages to struggle his way through to the song's conclusion.