The End Of Twerk

Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 103 USERS: C-
Twerk Like There's Nobody Watching

Cut abruptly to some nameless beauty salon in New York City, where The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway informs her anonymous stylist, "I need a transformation -- to shed some old skin. I want to look completely different." The camera takes its sweet time pushing in on her nervous expression as she gazes at her reflection in the salon's mirror, and then we're off to...

...a generously-appointed rehearsal hall somewhere else. Old Idiot Rachel darts through the door to greet Peter Facinelli and Horatio Hornblower with a breathless "Hi!" and there's some vaguely disturbing babbling from Peter Facinelli about stimulating the "sexual organs" of every member of the Funny Girl revival's audience with the number they're about to run through before The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway removes her knit cap to reveal her brand-new and pin-straight bobbed 'do. "This is a joke, right?" Peter Facinelli gapes, aghast. Old Idiot Rachel natters something about the extensive research she's done on popular women's hairstyles in early-'20s Manhattan, but Peter Facinelli's panties remain in a tremendous wad, and he lectures her on the finer points of that professional contract she signed a couple of months ago and whatnot while I mutter, "Like they weren't gonna wig her, anyway," to no one in particular until it's time for The Horrible Hooker and Horatio Hornblower to throw themselves into this evening's first musical number, "You Are Woman, I Am Man." And it's...surprisingly dull, actually. I mean, it's not one of Funny Girl's better-known numbers nowadays to begin with -- and probably for good reason -- but Horatio especially comes across as rather bland and limp during it all, and there's only so much Rachel can do on her own to make up for her leading man's startling lack of charisma.

Of course, Peter Facinelli thinks otherwise, as he proves when he showers them both with effusive amounts of praise once the number's over, and wow. This revival's gonna be a trainwreck, isn't it? Poor Rachel.

Meanwhile, back in Ohio, Urethra Franklin interrupts Mr. Schue's error-filled lecture on The Nineteenth Amendment to ask for a bathroom pass, as she and that stunning lavender-colored statement necklace of hers overindulged themselves in the Diet Coke that morning. Mr. Schue cheerfully obliges her, and the next thing we know...

...Unique's tiptoeing into The Novak, much to the loud objections of New Santana Lopez, who'd been freshening her lip gloss at the bathroom mirror. "What the hell are you doing in here?" New Santana snarls. "Oh, I'm sorry!" Unique hastily LIES. "I thought this was the little boys' room!" New Santana's not buying it, and she somehow manages to coerce the truth from Unique: The school's administration apparently still expects Unique to use the boys' bathroom, and needless to say, that makes Unique just a wee tiny bit uncomfortable, so she's been sneaking into The Novak during class "so no one finds out or gets upset." And if you're wondering why this is suddenly a plot point now, nearly a year and a half after the character was added to the main McKinley cast, it's because the California state legislature just passed a transgender student rights law that might get repealed at the ballot box. So, you know, get out there and vote! Um, next November! If you live in California! And you're over 18! Whatever.

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