Anyway, New Santana Lopez vows to keep Unique's secret to herself, which of course doesn't happen, as the subsequent montage immediately proves. "And that's how it all started," Unique's voiceover narrates as New Santana sashays out into the hall with a self-satisfied smile on her face, "The Great McKinley Bathroom Gender Riot Of 2013." "Bree figured out that the boys' room was a great place to make out in and not get caught," Unique's Voiceover continues as New Santana sneaks into the gentlemen's lav to assault a decidedly receptive New Puck. "Stoner Brett," Unique's Voiceover confides as the gentleman in question's dim expression fills our television screens, "started using the girls' bathroom because it was cleaner and it smelled better, and he heard a rumor that the toilet seats were heated." "And then," Unique's Voiceover adds atop an appropriate series of visuals, "the girls started using the boys' room when they realized that boys never had to wait in a line." "It was chaos!" Unique's Voiceover concludes just as Unique herself arrives in The Novak at some later point in time to find an impromptu rave in full swing, complete with glowsticks and mood lighting and gyrating cheerleaders atop the sinks, spraying the throbbing crowd below with soda. Yeah, I don't know. Though you should probably keep all of this in mind later in the episode, when they completely forget they ever showed us this sequence to begin with. God, I hate this show.
My Ancestral Homeland. St. Gay Of Lima sits on the couch, scarfing down a pint of ice cream while surfing through a series of nature documentaries on the loft's TV, as The Horrible Hooker Of Broadway trundles through the door to exclaim, "I just had the most incredible experience of my life!" "Oh, my God!" St. Gay gay-gasps upon catching sight of Old Idiot Rachel's new 'do. "Did you cut your hair?!" he shrieks, absolutely appalled. Old Idiot Rachel promptly strips off the wig she's been wearing since that scene in the salon to prove to us all that no, she didn't really cut her hair. Seems she simply felt a need to "rebel a little bit" against Peter Facinelli's "too-specific" direction "in order to have more room to play," so she decided to fuck with her boss's mind a little bit that afternoon at rehearsal. "But what if he got mad about you lying to him?" St. Gay flusters. "Or what if he sent you packing?" Legitimate concerns, both, but Old Idiot Rachel just breezily sweeps them aside to note, "You know what, Kurt? You've become boring." "You go to class," she frowns, "and then you come home and you watch your stories and eat all this food and you Skype with Blaine -- and it's not even sexy Skyping! I know this because you just go to sleep!" "I change up my afternoon smoothie occasionally," St. Gay sniffs, but Rachel's basically ignoring him at this point, the better to drift into the following reverie: "It felt so good taking a risk with this wig -- it's, like, I just I felt so alive. And I know I could have messed everything up, but I didn't even care! It's, like, I just wanted to risk it all!"