The First Time

Episode Report Card
When You're A Gleek, You're A Gleek All The Way

Cut to the two of them chatting around a table in some Dalton room. Sebastian is totally sucking up to Blaine, telling him that he had been described as "sex on a stick" and a guy who "sings like a dream." What other Warbler described Blaine as sex on a stick? Since Sebastian is trying to follow in Blaine's footsteps and seize all Warbler solos for himself, he wants to know why Blaine left. "Is it that you were bored with all the preppies around here? Or is it that you broke too many hearts to stay?"

Aaaand we flash sideways to the auditorium, just in time to see Santana and Rachel singing "A Boy Like That." Back at Dalton, Blaine is trying to tell Sebastian that he did not, in fact, tramp his way through all the boys of Dalton. Instead, he tells him that his heart is at McKinley. We flash back and forth between Santana and Rachel singing and Sebastian trying to see if his eye-fucking alone will be enough to cause Blaine to lose his virginity. The rehearsal, by the way, is complete with costumes, blocking, and sets. And both girls sound great. Rachel's still not a soprano, but she sounds very Maria-like in this song. As the song finishes, Sebastian excuses himself for lacrosse practice, but asks Blaine if they can get together again: "I could really use some more insights, Blaine. You know, Warbler to Warbler." The word "warbler" never sounded so dirty as it does when Sebastian says it. Blaine, clearly feeling a little of that "let's rip our clothes off and get dirty" feeling that Kurt was asking about earlier, is happy to agree to get together again. Commercials.

Finn approaches Puck in the football locker room to ask him a question. Puck, surprised: "I thought they were my sneakers." Oh, Puck. I thought you'd learned your lesson about using Finn's stuff without his permission. Anyway, Finn doesn't really catch that -- he's there to ask Puck for advice on condom selection. Puck: "Are you cheating on Rachel, dude? 'Cause if you are, that is not cool, and that's coming from me." Finn clarifies that the condoms are for Rachel. Puck: "I'm happy for you dude. You and her. Always thought it would be me, but secretly hoped it'd be you." But Puck can't recommend any condoms, because he's an absolute moron and still doesn't use them. Coach Beiste interrupts all the chatter to call the team together. She introduces them to Cooter, who is completely obviously checking out the Panther's thighs. She calls him "the best eye for talent in the country." Cooter: "Which is why I spend so much time with you, Coach." Even the dumbest guy on the team (which right now is a tie between Puck and Finn) catches the completely obvious sexual interest Cooter is directing at Coach Beiste right now. But Cooter's big play is to ask the Coach if she's wearing new tube socks. She's oblivious. Anyway, Cooter is there to raise Finn's hopes that he could ever be a good enough quarterback to play for a top-tier school.

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