The First Time

Episode Report Card
When You're A Gleek, You're A Gleek All The Way

Hudson/Hummel household. Rachel and Finn are near the end of dinner, and Rachel is amazed by the quality of the meat substitute that Finn just served her. Which is a funny joke, because Finn just gave his vegan girlfriend meat because he's a moron who forgot she's vegan. Although when did Rachel stop doing things like cooking venison and eating pizza and become a vegan? Finn offers to get the dessert when Rachel offers herself up as dessert. Or, I mean, she offers to go snuggle by the fire. Once at said fireplace, they start making out. But Finn is worried that he really wants it to be just right for her. She talks a good talk, and he starts to kiss her again, but then he pulls back and suggests they wait a couple of weeks until he can afford a hotel room. But she tells him she can't wait. When he learns she wants to have sex just to improve the verisimilitude of her performance, he's clearly hurt, and leaves to make the dessert. Commercials.

Mike Chang (a.k.a. Gaylord Weiner) is at his locker when the door is suddenly slammed shut by his father. He's apparently just learned that Mike is in the musical. Mr. Chang accuses Mike of lying to him and making his mother a liar. Weren't the two of them supposed to tell Mr. Chang after Mike got the part? Mr. Chang insists that Mike quit the show, but Mike won't, because he loves being a dancer. Mr. Chang once dreamt of being a tennis player, but gave it up when he realized how impractical it was. He doesn't think Mike will ever make it as a professional dancer. Obviously, he's never seen him dance. Mike sticks to his guns, and offers to pay his own way through school. But Mr. Chang tells him that while he continues to dance, "you will no longer be my son." Mike: "Then I guess I don't have a dad anymore." Yikes.

The Panther bench presses some massive weights. I can't help but notice that she doesn't have a spotter. Cooter agrees with me that she's setting a poor example for the team when he enters the room and offers to spot her. Coach: "Naw, I'm good. I lift big, and solo." Cooter keeps trying to flirt with her: "You'd be surprised how much I could bench. If I got the chance." Coach, he's offering to bench press you! In a sexual way! Pay attention! But she doesn't, instead telling him that she's almost done and then he can use the bench. She asks if he needs her for something, and he whips out a bouquet of roses. She asks him if he's going to a graveyard, and he tells her that the roses are for her. Coach: "I'm not sick." He asks her to drop the weights and talk to him. As she sits up, he sits down next to her. Cooter: "You ever have something you really wanted to get out and you just couldn't do it?" Coach: "I had a chigger in my thigh once, it was the size of a Tic Tac." And then he tells her he wants to take her out on an honest-to-goodness date. She starts tearing up, and then asks him why he's doing this. You can tell that she thinks she's being pranked. He asks her why she can't just accept that he's attracted to her. Coach: "'Cause you're the kind of man that could have any pretty girl he pointed at... I don't look the way pretty girls look." Cooter: "Well good. 'Cause I don't date girls. I just date women. Beautiful women. Like you." She's speechless, but she takes the flowers when he hands them to her. And then he tells her that the date is Friday night, after the football game. Dot Marie Jones just totally nailed it. Again.

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