The New Rachel

Episode Report Card
LTG: B+ | 2 USERS: B-
Welcome to New York. You Suck!

Rachel walks down a daylit street and chats on the phone with Kurt. She's told him all about Brody, but reminds him that she still worships Finn. She also lies about how great things are, and tries to get him to admit that his life sucks so she'll feel better. But with a chipper attitude, he tells her that he's keeping busy. At the moment, he's at McKinley where he's come to meet Sue's baby daughter, named Robin. (Sue: "It recalls hope, and spring time, and my favorite dead Bee Gee.") Sue claims Robin is the love of her life, but quickly calls on Kitty, her new head bitch cheerleader, to change the baby's diaper and sing her a lullaby. Sue describes Kitty as "like a young Quinn Fabray, except she's not pregnant, manic-depressive or in and out of a wheelchair." Kitty wonders why Kurt isn't living up to his stereotype and being a fabulous gay success. Sue praises him for breaking down the walls of discrimination by being the first guy who's not a straight football player to creepily lurk the halls of McKinley well after they graduated.

Will enters the music room and enthusiastically greets his returning students. FYI, the Leprechaun is gone, but New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is still here. Now that he's around for a second season, I guess he's not new anymore. So maybe I'll call him Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up. Will tells the kids that now that New Directions is the coolest club at the school, they'll be able to have auditions and find plenty of talent to fill their ranks. Flash sideways to Will putting up an audition sign-up sheet that's quickly mobbed by kids. In the music room, Will tells the kids that even though they've lost some big voices he knows that the kids still there can be just as big. And speaking of big, he introduces McKinley's newest transfer student, Wade Adams. Also known as Not-So-Unique, last seen in a sparkly dress dancing on top of a pinball machine. The kids are less than enthusiastic, except for Brit, who's thrilled to see Mercedes with a new haircut, even though she did think Mercedes had graduated. Wade tells them he transferred to be in a place where being different was celebrated. Will calls the kids out on the less-than-stellar welcome, and Blaine tells him that they're just worried that Wade is one more contender in the competition to be the new Rachel. Will lies through his teeth by telling them that they win competitions as a team, not by relying on stars. The kids don't buy it. Blaine tells Brit, Tina and Wade that they have to pick the new Rachel themselves, "Thunderdome style." If that means they're all going to dress up as blonde Tina Turner in a torn chain mail dress and have a crossbow fight, I approve. What Blaine really means is that they should meet at the auditorium at 5:00 for a sing-off.

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