Intrigued, he pauses to look inside, and let the Madonnathon begin! I should point out that I love this song -- this entire album's one of my favorites, in fact -- but that's not important because the cheerleading routine they've choreographed for this sequence is absolutely mind-boggling. Not the opening bit, which features little more than a gaggle of Cheerios bouncing around with their pom-poms, but the part after that, when ten men and women on five-foot-high stilts -- stilts -- prance in from the sidelines to perform this complicated series of spins and lifts and arabesques and high kicks, and at one point one of the guys has one of the girls by the foot of her stilts, and he's swinging her around upside-down in a circle in the center of the gym floor -- by her stilts -- and they're hauling the more earthbound Cheerios up into the air, and it's so mesmerizing and so hallucinatory and so bizarre that... wow. Just: Wow. Of course, Sue Sylvester disagrees with me. "Sloppy freakshow babies! Somewhere in the English countryside in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping! Hit the showers!" As the dejected Cheerios limp and stagger from the floor, Sue sniffs suspiciously at the air, turns to note Will's presence, and greets him with, "Oh, hey, William -- I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves who live in your hair." Will ignores that to compliment her on the awesomeness that just transpired. "Yeah, well, Madonna's a legend," Sue replies, "and I want my girls to learn all the lessons she has to offer." Here they cut to a brief shot of the stilted Cheerios chilling out around a gigantic bench constructed for their rest periods, and it's just ridiculous. One guy -- with no visible means of support, mind you -- has hunkered down into a relaxing squat while still atop the damn things, and three of the women are quite seriously warming down with these mile-high barre exercises. My thighs are screaming in sympathetic pain. Anyway, Sue continues, "There's nobody quite like the Material Girl to empower my Cheerios, just like your hairdresser has empowered you to look absolutely ridiculous." Will again ignores the slam because he's suddenly got An Idea, and he bids her a fond farewell. Sue watches him go for the briefest of moments, then turns to the mopey stilts on the gigantic bench and bellows through her megaphone, "You think this is hard? I'm passing a gallstone as we speak! That's hard!" Funny how much I've missed her during the hiatus. Can we just give her this year's Supporting Actress Emmy now?