Episode Report Card
admin: A | 1 USERS: A+
It's Madge's World. We Just Lip-Synch To It.

Smear back to that deeply disturbing photo op in last week's motel room. This time, of course, when Sue tells the prehistoric giant beaver to smile, she does so to the opening drumbeat of "Justify My Love." Hee. I think it's funnier this week than last.

Smear to the present. Maharishi Figgins, defeated, silently agrees to blast Madonna "at an earsplitting volume" throughout McKinley's halls until the next episode, when everyone goes back to forgetting Madonna exists. And with this evening's bizarre and utterly unbelievable premise thus set in place, we jump ahead to...

...that afternoon's Cheerios practice, where Sue -- once again in Power Red With White Stripes -- paces in front of the squad assembled on the gym's bleachers and barks, "Santana! What does your bracelet say?" My TV girlfriend Santana Lopez immediately flashes her bracelet at the camera and confidently replies, "W-W-M-D." "What would Madonna do?" Sue translates with approval in her tone, and I for one will never tire of American popular culture trashing that wretched "WWJD?" craze from the early years of this century. "Well," Sue continues, "the answer to that is usually 'Date a younger man,' so let's see some arm candy, girls!" I can get behind that, but a couple of the younger Cheerios glance at each other apprehensively, a reaction that does not escape sharp-eyed Sue Sylvester's attention. "Sorry, freshmen," Sue tells them while being not terribly sorry about it at all, of course. "You're gonna have to start trolling the middle schools!" So... much like Madonna herself, am I right? Sorry, but if they're going to set me up like that, I have to take the shot. Anyway, Sue explains The Cheerios' now-mandatory adoption of Madonna's predilection for the prepubescent like this: "If you want to be as riveting a performer as Madonna -- a skill that will nab us Nationals this year -- you're going to have to start thinking like her." Uh oh. "Acting like her," Sue stresses, and yeah, there won't be any problems at all with twenty-one high school cheerleaders trying to think and act like Madonna. This should be gruesome. Delightfully so, I'm sure, but still. "Also!" Sue adds, completely ignoring me. "À la Madonna, I will no longer acknowledge that any of you have last names!" "Becky Jackson!" she calls out, singling out Quinn's unexpected replacement on the squad. Becky tenses. "From now on," Sue states, "you're just 'Becky'!" Becky delights. "It's like Madonna once said," Sue concludes, "'I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know what I want, and if that makes me a bitch, okay.'" "I'm pretty sure she stole that line from one Sue Sylvester," Sue proudly notes. The Cheerios stare at her. "No, really, she stole it from me -- I said it first: Palladium, '87." When Sue was seven years old. Ooops! Spoiler! Also: Title card!

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