Out at the curb, April pours herself another water glass of boxed vino while Will wonders what the hell happened to her. "In high school," he remembers, "you were really going places -- you had a voice like a dream! Everyone loved you!" "Oh, I hitched my star to the wrong wagon," April smiles, giving Will a ruefully playful nudge. She and her high school sweetheart, Vinnie, were convinced they were going to be stars, so they dropped out to hitchhike to Broadway, but they ended up in Cleveland, "slinging hash at Ralph's Bake Shop And Waffle House." "Then Ralph had an affair with Vinnie," April shrugs, "I had a set of mixed-race twins, and those were the good times." Will finds her struggle "really moving" instead of "hilarious," and earnestly proposes to help get her back on her feet. He knows she needs only three more credits to graduate, so he'll enroll her in his Spanish class, and as a bonus, her boozy, thirtysomething ass can join the Glee Club as McKinley High's answer to Carmel's rapidly aging ringers. "We'll get you sobered up, and find you some underwear!" April's touched. In the head, among other places, but still. "Whaddya say?" Will asks. In reply, April takes one last swig of swill Chablis and cockily tosses the rest of it out onto the asphalt as we head into the first commercial break.
The next day finds Will back in the music room, introducing Orange April to the Glee Club as "someone special." The Glee Club is unimpressed with Orange April and her finger guns. "Old people can join Glee Club now?" Finn puzzles. "This seems like a terrible idea," Artie adds. My glorious husband, inveterate MILF hunter that he is, winks and makes kissy little lip puckers in Orange April's general direction. Slut. And God love him for it. "We appreciate what you're trying to do," Mercedes pipes up, "but she's no Rachel." Orange April's all, "Who's Rachel?" so the elaborately behoodied T-T-T-Tina stutters, "Sh-sh-sh-she's kind of our star." "So where is she?" Orange April sasses. "She left," Kurt sniffs regally from his perch on one of the chairs, casting a gimlet eye on Orange April's latest garish and too-tight ensemble while continuing, "to be the lead in Cabaret." Rising to the obvious challenge, Orange April slips out of her jacket, and as she flips the thing into Will's chest, she calls out to the club's ever-silent pianist, "Hey, Tinkles! Give me 'Maybe This Time' in B flat, and don't let me catch you snoozin'!" Orange April confidently adjusts her bra strap as a nonplussed Tinkles starts in with the opening vamp, and the camera cuts quickly to the school auditorium, where a quintet of girls -- including the Jazz Ensemble's fierce bassist -- occupy the darkly lit stage in cheaply made flapper costumes as members of Cabaret's band, with the broadly grinning drummer and the solemn-looking clarinetist adding their instruments to the underscore. Orange April begins the song, and it's Kristin Chenoweth singing "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret, so I am genetically predisposed as a gay man to gush. Seriously, they'd take my card away if I told you this was anything but Capital-F Faaaaaaaaaab-ulous. Thank God it actually is. And as Orange April gets into it, we enter a bit into how this is apparently playing out in the depths of her boozed-up brain, for she steps forward into a wholly appropriate and magically appearing spotlight that has the added benefit of washing her skin tone back to colors more likely to be found in nature. Back in the auditorium, Rachel's stepped up to the old-fashioned microphone in front of the all-girl band, and for the rest of the number, we've got dueling Sallys, and while many on the forum boards preferred Lea Michele's bits over Kristin Chenoweth's, I think they're both pretty much flawless, but again: Genetically predisposed to gush, here. Also: SQUEEEEEEEE! Also also: This is yet another Glee clip that will have found a permanent place on gay bar playlists across the country long before this recap is published. Mark my words.