The next day, Her Majesty settles in for a mid-morning chat with Coach Sylvester in the latter's tastefully appointed office and, long story short, it was Becky who reported Coach Sylvester to Figgins earlier in the episode, mainly because Becky's worried that Coach Sylvester's been losing her focus as of late. And that's about that -- I mean, Sue of course thanks Becky for her honesty, and Sue of course vows once again to triumph in all areas of her life at any and all cost, but yeah. Whatever.

Music Room. Mercedes wistfully picks out the opening notes of "Summer Nights" on Tinkles's baby grand, and as a quiet instrumental picks up from where she leaves off to plink softly away on the soundtrack beneath what follows, the time arrives for Mercedes and Lady Lips to break their mutual Vow Of Silence. Mercedes bounds out into the hallway to find Lady Lips already waiting for her, and in an admittedly cute little bit of business, neither of them is actually able to say a word to the other, thanks to the unexpected arrival of Mercedes's mountain of a boyfriend. The boyfriend -- whose name I will probably never succeed in remembering because I've a feeling he's not long for this show at all -- leads Mercedes away to lunch, and as she surreptitiously glances over her shoulder at Lady Lips's slowly diminishing form, we head on over to...

...Chez Schue, for what I pray to God is this evening's final denouement. And it is! Praise Jesus. Long story short, Emma arrives home to discover that Will's prepared a nice little candlelight dinner for her by way of apology for being such a dick about her now unfunny pamphlets, and we learn that The Maharishi has decided to bestow Mrs. Hagberg's magically transferable tenure upon McKinley's batshit insane guidance counselor. And with that, this ultimately purposeless episode finally draws to a close.

Next week, a Valentine's-themed installment that promises to be thoroughly gruesome in each and every possible way. Have fun!

Demian is still thinking about The Leprechaun's goddamned pubic hair, because this show hates him, and wants him to die. You may reach him at demian_twop@yahoo.com.